FIC: The Rutan Relics - Chapter 12
May. 18th, 2009 10:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nentariTitle: The Rutan Relics - Chapter 12
Author: Me
Beta-Reader:alouzon
Fandom: Doctor Who/M*A*S*H
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 6095
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and all its characters belong to the BBC; M*A*S*H and all its characters belong to Twentieth Century Fox. I own nothing - not even the Fourteenth Doctor.
Summary: The Doctor returns to a place he has visited in the past to stop some old enemies from recovering something that is best left forgotten.
Warning: Spoilers for Abyssinia, Henry/Welcome to Korea.
Author's note: We're nearly there!
Chapter 12
Surgery on the two soldiers seemed to go on forever; Jamie found himself dozing off at one point, only to wake up suddenly to the sound of the Monk's cries of pain. He had been kicked by Hye after a failed attempt to get up and leave while the two of them weren't looking.
"Hey, just what d'you think you're doing?" the Highlander asked.
"Just... stretching my legs," the Time Lord replied while unsuccessfully trying to pull an angelical and innocent-looking expression.
"Aye, stretching them all the way back to your TARDIS, I'm sure," Jamie grumbled, as he stood up and stretched himself.
"Hey, Joe... I mean, Jamie," Hye corrected herself quickly. "You've mentioned that name before. What's a TARDIS?"
Jamie considered for a moment if he should answer this, but decided there was no problem in giving her an explanation. After all, he reasoned, Hye had already been exposed to Rutans and Sontarans - what harm could it do? "Well, it's a ship. The folks from the planet where the Doctor and yon Sassenach here-" he glared at the Monk - "come from use them to travel through time and space."
The lass arched a disbelieving eyebrow. "Time and space?"
"Aye. Me and the Doctor, we've travelled everywhere in her TARDIS." Jamie was keeping a close watch on the Monk, so he heard the doubt in her voice rather than seeing the sceptical expression he knew she still wore.
"Like where?"
"Well, the first time I met those Sontaran beasties was in a space station in the future." He mentally shuddered at the thought. That had been one of the most horrendous experiences of his life, nearly driving him mad. However the Sontarans weren't the direct cause of the lingering trauma he suffered afterwards. Jamie immediately decided against telling Hye about Shockeye; he hadn't even discussed what had happened with Victoria or the Doctor.
Hye crossed her arms and looked at Jamie with a disbelieving smile. "Next you're going to tell me you've been to the moon."
"Oh, aye, I have." Jamie grabbed his belt in what he believed to be his most impressive pose and gave her a lopsided smile. "Twice."
The Monk gave a small chuckle and turned to the lass. "The young man is clearly delirious, my dear girl. Or a pathological liar."
"Hey, just what d'you-" Jamie was about to complain, but a voice behind him cut him off.
"That's funny," Jamie turned to see the Doctor, still covered in faintly blood-smeared white surgical garments now gloveless, standing by the still-swinging doors; the Rutan pretending to be Captain Spalding stood right behind her, scowling at the Monk. "If I were to deem someone in this corridor a liar, it would definitely not be Jamie."
"Oh." The Monk went pale for a few moments, but quickly regained his aplomb. "Oh, my dear Doctor, there's been a terrible mistake. I haven't done anything."
"Really?" the Rutan asked, folding his arms the way Hye had done just a minute before. "I wouldn't call attracting Sontarans to the area and becoming their murdering puppet nothing."
"Not to mention the cowardly attack on my companion," the Doctor added.
"Aye," Jamie growled, shooting him a glare while subconsciously rubbing the back of his head.
"But... but you can't possibly hold me responsible for the Rutans' deaths," the Monk pleaded, apparently under the belief that he was bargaining for his life.
"We don't," 'Spalding' said. "We realize you were as much of a victim of the Sontarans' machinations as our sisters."
"Which is why the good Captain here and I have agreed that the best course of action is to let you go," the Doctor added, her expression mild. The Monk gave a sigh of relief and smiled broadly.
"No, Doctor, you cannae!" Jamie exclaimed. "The man's a rogue!"
"With one condition," the Doctor said, ignoring Jamie's outburst. The Monk's smile died immediately.
"We want the cylinders," the Rutan said firmly.
Jamie couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew that it was dangerous to allow the Monk to keep the cylinders, as he'd probably try to sell them to some other alien race even if he would no longer be stranded on Earth, but the Doctor couldn't possibly give them to the Rutans instead.
The Monk was clearly as surprised as Jamie. "The cylinders? But surely you-"
"Oh, please," the Doctor said, rolling her eyes, "do not put me in the same category as you. I have made an agreement with the Rutans, which I feel benefits us both." She held out her hand. "The cylinders. Now."
"But my dear Doctor," the Monk began again. "Surely we-"
Jamie lost his temper: he didn't feel like listening to the Time Lord while he made another feeble attempt to keep the things for himself. He was still worried about the "agreement" the Doctor had made with the Rutan, but he trusted her, and felt that anything would be better than pandering to the meddling idiot for a moment longer. Before the Monk could finish the sentence, Jamie had already snapped the small leather pouch from his belt. "Och, shut up, already," the Highlander grumbled as he tossed the pouch into the Doctor's waiting hands. "Here you go, Doctor."
"Thank you, Jamie," she said, beaming.
"Doctor, I must protest-" the Monk started to speak.
"Didn't you hear what he said?" Hye asked, raising her bat so that it was in the Monk's line of sight. "Shut up."
This time, the Doctor didn't need to remove the entire contents of the pouch to get to the cylinders, as they were right at the mouth of the small bag. "The missing weapons," the Rutan said, almost reverently as the Doctor removed them.
"Those are weapons?" Hye asked, her voice once again tinged with disbelief.
"Yes, they look quite harmless, don't they?" the Doctor told the lass, looking down at the cylinders cupped in the palm of her hand. "But believe me, just one of these would be able to cause more damage in five minutes than all the destruction caused by this war up until now." The Doctor opened her white frock and reached into her pocket, taking out the sonic screwdriver. She pointed it at the cylinders, but to Jamie's surprise nothing happened, in spite of the obvious tweeing noise of the tool working.
"Deadlocked," 'Spalding' said, almost apologetically.
The Doctor shook her head. "I miss the good old days when nobody deadlocked anything. Still," she added, opening the Monk's pouch again, "not to worry. If I can find... Aha." She produced a small square of clear plastic with several black lines crossing on the surface. "The extra circuits I had in my pocket. Now, I wonder how they got in here..." She pocketed the square, and looked inside the pouch once again, eventually removing a small bottle from inside. Jamie immediately recognized it from earlier, though it was now almost empty, with only a small portion of the green liquid still remaining.
"The coronic acid," the Rutan said darkly.
"Yes," the Doctor replied sadly. "I'm sorry I didn't recognize it for what it was when I searched through the Monk's possessions earlier, but I'm not used to seeing it in liquid form." She looked at Jamie and Hye before explaining. "This acid is usually treated to become effervescent and more volatile, and kept in canisters in order to be used as if it was a bomb."
"That's... that's coronic acid?" The Monk was clearly appalled, and turned a sickly pale hue. "The Sontaran I was dealing with gave me a couple of those, saying it was Sontar cordial. A gesture of good faith, he said."
"You should be glad you did not have the urge to drink it, then," the Doctor said. "He managed to take over your mind and made you use a bottle on himself - which, by the way, reminds me of something..." She reached for the back of the Monk's neck and pinched it.
"Ow!" he yelped. The Doctor then showed them that she was now holding a small black square.
"A little more subtle than their usual methods of mind control, but nevertheless, effective." She placed the small square and the cylinders on the floor, before turning to the Rutan. "Now to fulfil our part of the bargain."
"Be our guest, Doctor," 'Spalding' replied. "The goal of our mission was to not allow for the cylinders to fall into enemy hands."
"Good." The Doctor opened the small bottle. "Now stand aside, everybody. I don't think this will splatter, but you can never be too sure."
Everybody took a step back, and the Doctor poured a few drops of the liquid on each of the objects. With a sizzle, the small square dissolved completely and disappeared, while the two cylinders became a deformed mass. Quickly, the Doctor produced the pair of tweezers she had used earlier in her investigations and picked at the lump.
"Yes," she said with a satisfied smile. "These will no longer be a problem." Hesitantly, she poked at the deformed object with her finger and was immediately satisfied with the lack of reaction. "And since the effect of the acid has run off, I can give them back to you." And with this, she handed the lump back to the Monk with a mischievous smile. "Happy trading."
"But... but..." the Monk spluttered.
"Oh, we're not going through that again, are we?" the Doctor complained, as she took the circuits from her pocket again. "And you can have these circuits as well."
The Monk's eyes widened, his hands already outstretched. "Really?"
"Why not? You need them more than I do." Her voice then hardened. "With one condition."
"What?"
"That you leave Earth this instant. Captain Spalding and I will accompany you to your TARDIS to make sure you dematerialize the moment your repairs are completed."
"And we'll be informing our allies," the Rutan added, "so if you try to come back to this place in the near future you'll have both the Rutan Empire and the Shadow Proclamation on your trail. Got that?"
The Monk nodded. "Agreed."
"Good. Wait here," the Doctor said, removing the rest of her surgical gear and rushing back inside the operating room, followed by the Rutan. Looking through the window of one of the doors, Jamie could see them opening the doors to another, smaller room on the opposite side (where the two Captains and the Majors seemed to be having an argument), and throwing the frocks into a basket, before returning to them.
"Let's go then. Come along, Jamie." They started walking toward the exit. The Doctor, seeing that Hye was also following, paused briefly and said, "Perhaps it's better if you wait here."
"Can't I go too?" Hye asked, defensively.
The Doctor hesitated. "Well..."
"You might need my help," the lass insisted, raising the bat as if to demonstrate. "Just in case."
"I appreciate the intention, Hye dear," the Doctor said. "I really do, but-"
"Please," the girl pleaded. "I just want to see what a TARDIS looks like."
The Doctor gave Jamie a look that made him shuffle his feet embarrassedly. "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie," she said, almost whispering in his ear. "What is it with you and pretty little brunettes in impractical dresses?"
"What? No!" he complained, flushing - but his embarrassment quickly turned into a truculent frown at the sight of the Doctor's mocking smile.
***
"Well?" the Doctor asked. "What do you think?"
Hye was staring open-mouthed at the spacious interior of the Monk's TARDIS. "It's... it's impossible!" she eventually said. "This is just a tiny hut. You could hardly fit a bed inside."
"All TARDISes I've seen are like this," Jamie said, eager to show off his (limited) knowledge of Time Lord technology. "Bigger on the inside."
"But it's impossible!" she repeated, tracing a hand over a roundel. "How is it done?"
"Och, dinnae ask me," he answered with a shrug. "You can try asking the Doctor, but it will only make you dizzy." The Doctor looked at him with an offended pout, but said nothing. Instead, she turned her attention to the console, where the Monk was trying to replace the circuits under the careful gaze of the Rutan.
"Well, that's done," the Monk said, getting up.
"Good," said the Doctor. "Now that everything is fixed, you'll leave immediately." It wasn't a request.
"And don't ever come back," the Rutan added.
"Don't worry," the Monk said with a scowl, as he started to manipulate the controls. "I've had enough of Korea to last a full set of regenerations."
"Me too," Jamie grumbled, as he once again rubbed his skull.
"Well, thank you, Doctor, for all your help," the Monk said jovially, turning to the Doctor and shaking her hand. She looked at their hands with clear distaste, but was civil enough not to remove hers. "I hope you won't be offended if I tell you I hope our paths will never meet again."
"Not at all," she replied. "The feeling is mutual. But keep in mind," she added, "that if I hear you've got yourself into trouble again I'll be after you to apply a good kick on your backside - both literally and figuratively." The Monk swallowed; Jamie could tell he knew the Doctor meant every word.
"Well, come along, Jamie. And you too, Hye dear." She shooed her towards the door. Jamie and 'Spalding' followed. Once outside, all four of them stood looking at the hut.
"What happens now?" asked Hye, in somewhat breathless awe as she beheld the humble exterior of the Monk's TARDIS and compared it to what she had seen inside.
"Watch," the Doctor said, pointing.
Hye gasped, as a wheezing, grating sound reverberated around them, and the Monk's TARDIS slowly vanished. She passed her bat through the space the 'hut' had occupied. "Where did it go?"
"Who knows?" the Rutan said with a shrug.
"Well, I dinnae care, as long as he's gone," Jamie said. He turned to the Doctor. "But I cannae believe you let him go just like that." The Doctor favoured him with a dire chuckle, but did not reply; a sudden realization came over the young Highlander. "Hey, you did something!"
"Of course I did," the Time Lord huffed. "Do you really think I'd let that meddling fool go scott-free?"
"What did you do?" Hye asked.
"Well, when I was examining the damage to his TARDIS earlier today, I tampered with his navigational system while he wasn't looking." She gave them her most angelic smile. "Rather naughty of me, don't you agree?"
"Where did you send him?" the Rutan said. "To the Shadow Proclamation?"
The Doctor looked offended at this suggestion. "Of course not! He might have done a lot of damage, but he doesn't deserve to be executed without a trial!"
Jamie shuddered: this brought his memories of the time the Time Lords captured the Doctor to the surface. Of course, there had been a trial then, but from what the Doctor had told him, it was almost as if the sentence had been decided before it had even began. He had to agree with her - bad as he was, the Monk didn't really deserve such treatment.
"I've sent him to spend some time with some friends of mine," the Doctor added airily, producing a small dark object - one of the things Jamie had seen her transfer from the tweed coat to her own pockets. "Which leads me to the next step of my plan, and the reason why I wanted my coat."
"What's that?" Hye asked, pointing at the object.
"This? It's a telephone," the Doctor replied with a smile. "My friend Martha gave it to me, and it has proved to be very useful at times."
The lass laughed. "That's not a telephone!"
"Not the type that you've seen in 1951 Korea, no," the Doctor said absent-mindedly, as she pressed some buttons on the surface of the small object, "but it's definitely one, believe it nor not."
"Who are you calling?" the Rutan asked.
"My contact to those friends I've mentioned, of course. I want to give them a warning before they find a TARDIS right on their doorstep." She looked at him. "I'm certain you've heard of the Etaminians?" The Rutan gave an impressed whistle, a habit Jamie was certain he acquired while in his human disguise. However, the two humans with them exchanged blank glances.
"Who are the Etaminians?" Jamie asked.
"They're a highly intelligent and developed race," the Doctor replied. "Almost as stuffy as the Time Lords, I'm afraid, but much easier to deal with. And also rather fond of Earth, I'm glad to say. They've designed their fashion and architecture using ancient Greece as inspiration, and there have even been some cases of marriage between humans and Etaminians."
"And you're calling the Etaminians by phone?" the Rutan asked, incredulously.
"Not the Etaminians, no. Unfortunately, I don't have the means to contact them directly, as their technology is not compatible with anything I own. But I know someone who can do it for me." She started to press the buttons on the telephone again, and held it to her ear. "Pandora is half-Etaminian, you know," she told Jamie, "on her mother's side."
Jamie thought about this. When he first saw a photograph of Professor Pugh as a teenager, he did indeed get the feeling there was something unearthly about her, and that feeling of strangeness had strengthened when he met her in person - although Jamie had dismissed it as the result of her strange behaviour towards him, as if they were long-time friends, and her constant, enigmatic references to a "Moongirl". Now, he was wondering if the woman's pleasant, but somewhat horsy face and the flowery patterns of what he had believed to be a faded scar over her left eye weren't the result of her alien blood. His thoughts were interrupted by the Doctor, who had finally made contact with the Professor on the wee telephone.
"Hello? Pan, dear, it's the Doctor. Listen, I wonder if you can contact your uncle for me? Tell him to warn President Sofin that a visitor is going to arrive at the Etam Forum any time now. A Time Lord. He's relatively harmless, but can cause a lot of trouble when left unattended." Professor Pugh's answer generated a pouty frown from the Doctor. "Yes, Pan, very funny. It's not me, no. Pan..." She quickly tried to change the subject. "Anyway, the visitor is very fond of creature comforts, so I'm sure he'll enjoy a nice holiday in the Etamin system. Have them pamper him as much as he likes, and keep him watched at all times. ...What? Oh, yes, I'll do that. Yes, dear, it was great to hear from you too. Give our love to Jack and Zoe as well. Talk to you soon." She turned off the telephone. "Pan sends you her love, Jamie," she told the Highlander.
Ignoring this, Jamie asked, "That's it? He's going to be 'pampered' after all the trouble he's caused?"
The Rutan smiled. "Don't worry. From what we have heard, the Etaminians are famous for being great hosts, but they're also inflexible. The smallest slip-up will grant him a few centuries in prison - a place more pleasant than any geisha house in Tokyo, but a prison nevertheless, and with the highest security. Even a being as intelligent as a Time Lord-" (the Doctor snorted at this) "won't be able to get out until the sentence is over."
"I doubt he'll ever want to get out, though," the Doctor said. "And even if he does, this will keep him off my back for a while."
"Aye, let's hope so," Jamie grumbled, still not completely mollified.
The Doctor then clapped her hands, clearly pleased with herself. "Well, that's one more problem solved. Shall we head back to camp?"
***
The first time 'UNIT' had visited the 4077th, they had slipped out quietly after all the commotion was over, Margaret and Radar being the only two people who had actually witnessed their departure. Hawkeye had been sorry for this, as he had wanted to see the epic, Hollywoodesque snog he was certain Jack Harkness would have given Hot Lips right in front of Ferret Face. Or maybe he would have snogged Harkness himself just to see the two Majors' reaction.
This time, however, the whole camp (what remained of it) was gathered around the compound to say their goodbyes. With the doctors' permission, little Haneul was also present, resting carefully in Klinger's yellow-clad arms.
"Goodbye, little one," Major Smith was saying to the little boy, poking him on the nose.
"Bye-bye," he replied, waving a small hand at her.
"He'll be all right, will he not?" McCrimmon asked BJ. Jamie of course was no doctor, but in the sunlight he thought Haneul looked very sallow, if otherwise hale.
"He'll be fine, but it's still going to take a while."
"What happened exactly?" the Scot asked.
"Shrapnel from the bombing," Hye said.
"He was so scared with the noise he ran away instead of hiding with us in Rosie's cellar," Kim added with a whimper. Hawkeye put a comforting hand on her shoulder; he knew the girl felt guilty for not preventing him from bolting outside.
"Courage," Major Smith said, smiling at the girl. "Haneul will be back on his feet in no time, and you can start thinking about your future together."
The girl smiled. "Yeah."
The Major turned her attention to Hye next. "Well, goodbye, dear. I hope things will go well for you as well."
"I'm sure they will," Hye said with a huge smile that worried Hawkeye. He got the feeling the presence of a female doctor, albeit one clearly from another planet, had made her even more determined in achieving her goal.
McCrimmon shook Hye's hand. "You take care of yourself, eh?"
"And you," she replied, grinning, "watch your back."
The boy grumbled.
"Well," 'Calvin' said, turning to the two Captains. "This is goodbye."
"Leaving so soon?" BJ asked.
"Our cover's been blown, which is a shame." He looked around with a wistful expression. "This is a great place."
"You mean, the war, the dirt and the blood all around us?" Hawkeye asked, somewhat disappointed. For all he knew about the little green blobs, he wouldn't be surprised they'd enjoy that sort of thing, but he still hoped 'Calvin' was different.
"True, there is that," 'Calvin' said. "But there's also the people here." He smiled. "Finest kind."
Hawkeye smiled back. "The finest." He briefly hesitated before catching 'Spalding' in a bear hug.
"You take care of yourself," 'Calvin' said, slapping Hawkeye's back. He turned and spoke to the 'UNIT agents'. "Doctor. Mr. McCrimmon. We thank you for your help."
"Like I said, my money's on your lot," the Major said. She then produced the kazoo from the massive tweed coat, which she was wearing like a cloak.
"No, no," 'Calvin' said. "We meant what we said - keep it. Think of it as a small token of appreciation from the Rutan people."
The Major bowed her head slightly, and re-concealed the item in one of the vast jacket's pockets. "And where will you go now?"
"To the caves, to collect our sisters' craft and equipment, then back to the mothership." He looked back at Hawkeye and BJ. "We'll keep an eye on the 4077th from a distance, to ensure that the Sontarans will indeed keep away. You will no longer be bothered by beings from outer space."
"Any chance of ensuring the North Koreans and the Chinese won't be bothering us, either?" BJ asked half-mockingly. Hawkeye knew he knew the answer to this.
'Spalding' sighed. "It only it was that easy... Well, goodbye." With a huge smile, he strolled away towards the woods, guitar slung around his shoulders, playing a Woody Guthrie tune. Hawkeye watched him go, feeling his eyes water. Alien or not, 'Calvin Spalding' had been a good friend, and he was going to miss him.
"Will the Rutans be our allies from now on, I'm wondering?" McCrimmon asked.
"I'm afraid not, Jamie," the Major said sadly. "In a few decades' time the treaty will indeed be broken, and there's a strong chance that when next we meet, we may find ourselves on opposing sides." She gazed after 'Calvin's' vanishing figure. "The treaty was highly beneficial to the Rutans in the long-term, though. When I faced the Sontarans in the 21st century, the Rutans were winning the war."
Hawkeye was going to ask something, but his thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Radar, trusty clipboard in hand, followed by Father Mulcahy and the two Majors. To Hawkeye's disappointment, the latter were back to wearing fatigues; he was hoping to have a few more laughs about how pretty Frank looked in Klinger's pink nightgown.
"We just got hold of the 8063rd," Radar said. "The nurses will be coming back soon."
"Oh, thank heavens for that," Hawkeye said. "Frank's legs were starting to look too appealing to me."
"Shut up, Pierce!" Margaret barked, while old Ferret Face just looked at him with bulging watery eyes and the mouth a perfect "O" of outrage.
"Well, Majors," Major Smith began, "I wish I could say it has been a pleasure, but I know you've had quite a rough time. I hope you won't have to suffer through something like this again."
"Thank you, Major," Margaret said. Frank merely nodded, but the sudden contact of Hot Lips' elbow in his ribs quickly prompted him to add, "Not at all, Major. Thank you for your help."
"Sir? Ma'am." Radar showed Major Smith something that resembled a silver thimble, "your thingummy, sir."
The Major returned it to the young Corporal. "Thank you, Radar, but you better keep it with you for a little while. With the Rutans and the Shadow Proclamation keeping an eye on things, it shouldn't be needed, but it doesn't hurt to make sure."
Radar nodded, pocketing the thimble. "Yes, sir."
"Just to make sure I'll be able to collect it later, though, could you tell me where you'll be keeping it?"
"Oh, yeah." Radar approached the Major and whispered something in her ear.
"A very good place," she said with a grin, before turning to Father Mulcahy. "Father," she said. "I'm sorry we didn't see much of each other. I was told that you and Colonel Smith had some very interesting philosophical discussions."
"Oh. Yes, yes, he was a rather remarkable man. Well," he tipped his hat, "pax vobiscum."
The Major smiled. "And also with you."
At that moment McCrimmon, who had been quietly conversing with BJ, said goodbye to the young surgeon, and turned to Hawkeye.
"Captain Pierce." They shook hands.
"Must you really go so soon?" Hawkeye asked, glancing wistfully at Major Smith.
The piper gave him an annoyed look, and absently tightened his grip, which Hawkeye was able to read as clearly as words: don't push your luck. Right. He had forgotten about that "old married couple" moment in Post-Op.
"Captain." Major Smith held out her hand, which Hawkeye shook. "It's been a pleasure."
Sensing a new wave of irritation radiating from the Lieutenant, Hawkeye did not voice the retort that had sprung to his mind. Instead, he found himself asking, "I have a question before you go, Major."
She looked at him. "Yes?"
"You've never did tell me what's your connection with Colonel Smith."
The Major grinned and, to his surprise, grabbed his face and forced him down to her level, kissing his nose the same way Bigelow had done before leaving. He could feel McCrimmon's gaze bore through him, and considered trying to extricate himself from the Major's grip before he got hurt. Then, to his utter surprise, the Major whispered in his ear, "I am Colonel Smith," before letting go.
"Doctor," McCrimmon complained, scandalized by her behavior.
"It was just a friendly goodbye, Jamie," she said. "No malice whatsoever." She turned to the others. "We'll just go and collect our things in the supply room, and then head to our own transportation. There's no need to wait for us."
"Goodbye," McCrimmon said with a wave, still looking at the Major with a stunned expression.
"You've got quite a lucky nose, haven't you?" BJ asked, as everybody from the MASH unit returned to their duties.
"Too bad the rest of the body doesn't seem to share the luck," Hawkeye replied, trying to sound cheerful. He was still trying to figure out if the words the Major had whispered were a joke or not; after all that had happened, he wasn't sure of anything. "So," he added, "what are you planning to do now?"
"Me? Oh, I'll check up on the patients, and then try to catch up on my sleep. You?"
Hawkeye stretched. "I'm planning to fall unconscious."
"That's a pretty good plan as well," BJ said with a smile. He then stopped suddenly. "That's funny."
"What is?"
"What's that doing there?"
Hawkeye looked in the direction BJ was pointing. Leaning right next to the Post-Op entrance, someone had carefully placed an old baseball bat.
***
"That's odd," Jamie said, as they reached the TARDIS. "I thought I had covered it when I came to fetch your coat." Indeed, the tarpaulin and the mattresses were not covering the old police box, and the doors were clearly visible.
"Well, you were hit on the head, Jamie," the Doctor said. "The Monk probably caught you before you had managed to finish it."
"Aye, mebbe," Jamie said, but the nagging feeling at the back of his mind still remained. They got inside and closed the door. The Doctor hung the tweed coat back on the hatstand, while Jamie advanced to the door that led to the almost labyrinthic TARDIS corridors. "I dinnae know about you, Doctor," he said, "but I think I'll go lie down for a while. Wake me up when we reach Victoria's place." The thought filled him with joy and anxiety. Finally, after all this time, he was going to see Victoria again.
"Er, Jamie," the Doctor said. Jamie stopped, as he detected the hesitation in her voice. "Listen, I need to go fetch something before we go visit Victoria. Do you mind if we take a little detour?"
"What?" Jamie was appalled. "Doctor, you promised!"
"I know, I know. But I need to go fetch the device I loaned to Radar, and I want to make sure I do it as soon as possible, before I forget to do it."
"Can you not do it after we see Victoria?" the Highlander asked with visible anxiety.
The Doctor looked at him with a sad expression. It was clear to Jamie that she had realized the cause of his concern. "Jamie, I know how you feel, but I'm certain that Victoria will not want to come back with us."
"Eh? Here now, how can you be sure?" he folded his arms stubbornly.
She sighed. "Well, I didn't tell you sooner because I felt she ought to be the one to tell you the news-" Her words were interrupted by a creaking noise, which made them both jump. Jamie's eyes turned to the spot where the sound came from just in time to see the top of the old chest move. "I'm having a terrible feeling of déjà-vu," the Doctor said, as she approached the chest and tapped on the lid. Jamie was instantly reminded of the day Zoe had decided to stow away in the TARDIS, hiding inside the chest.
Jamie grabbed a corner of the lid, while the Doctor went for the opposite, and they opened the chest together. But this time, instead of a tiny astrophysicist in a space uniform, a slightly older and only marginally taller girl in a pink tent-like dress stood up.
Hye.
"I really should put this thing in my room," the Doctor said with a sigh. "What do you think you're doing here?"
"I want to come with you," Hye said firmly.
Jamie was not surprised to hear those words, as the situation was so similar to that of Zoe; however, he was surprised to see Hye saying them. "What about going to school in Tokyo?" he asked, offering her his hand.
"That's just it," she said, as he helped her out of the chest. "You've told me you travel in time, and that you've met women doctors."
"Yes, Jamie is a great conversationalist, isn't he?" the Doctor said, looking at Jamie with narrowed eyes. Jamie blushed at the reprimand, but stood defiant.
"Well," Hye continued, "then you must know of places where I can go to medical school. Please, I want you to take me there." The Doctor hesitated. It was clear to Jamie she didn't really like the idea, and he could see why - this felt like tampering with time. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but feel sorry for the lass. People disappeared in war zones all the time (he knew that quite well). Although he hadn't begged to travel with the Doctor, Polly had asked on his behalf, knowing what lay in store for his folk. He couldn't encourage the Doctor to leave her behind, especially after the way her uncles had treated her.
"Please," she pleaded, as she reached into the pockets in her vest and took out some paper. "I have money. I can pay!"
"No, no, no. Put that away," the Doctor said, waving off the money Hye was trying to give her. "I don't need the stuff."
Hye's pitiful expression was heartbreaking, and Jamie found himself pulling the Doctor aside. "Can we not take her?" he asked. "She told me her story. She has no place to go, no kin to speak of, and she really wants to study medicine."
The Doctor looked between the anxious figure standing beside the chest, and Jamie's serious hazel eyes for a few moments before coming to a decision. "pretty little brunettes in impractical dresses," she said with a teasing smile. "Oh, all right." She turned to Hye. "Have you thought this through carefully? You do realize that if I take you to another point of space and time, you cannot go home?"
"Why not?" Hye asked. "Couldn't you take me back again?"
"This isn't a taxi service, you know!" the Doctor huffed, and trod on Jamie's toe before he could say anything about the Doctor's piloting skills. "And besides, you'll very likely learn techniques that weren't developed in your own time. It would cause a lot of damage to the timeline if you went back afterward."
"Oh." It was clear Hye hadn't thought of that. However, she looked even more determined. "But I still want to go. There is nothing for me here."
"Oh, very well." The Doctor started to talk to herself while absently flipping controls on the console. "But who should I contact for this?" She tapped her lips with her finger and muttered to herself. "Maybe Martha, or Grace. Pan and Graham would also have connections, of course, and Liz..." Her face lit up. "Of course!" She turned to Hye. "Liz Shaw! She's a scientist - she used to be my assistant for a while, before she went back to Cambridge. She has the necessary connections and will probably be able to pull some strings for you. And what's more," she turned to include Jamie, "she's in the same timeline as Victoria, so we can drop by and see Liz after our visit. What do you think?"
"Aye, that' great, Doctor."
"Hye?"
She smiled. "Thank you, Doctor. I like the sound of that."
The Doctor clapped her hands. "Well, that's settled, then." She started in on to the console again, but then paused and looked at the Highlander. "I will have to take that small detour, you know, Jamie. Better safe than sorry."
Jamie shrugged. He was desperate to see Victoria again - and a bit more optimistic than the Doctor of the prospect of convincing her to join them aboard the TARDIS once more - but if the Doctor was so determined to go collect whatever she had given to Radar, then he would have to put up with it and wait. He just hoped it would be quick and relatively trouble-free.
"You don't mind, do you, Hye?" the Doctor suddenly asked.
The lass shrugged. "You're the driver."
"Good. Then, off we go." She pressed a few buttons and levers and, with a wheezing, groaning sound, the TARDIS dematerialized.
Author: Me
Beta-Reader:
alouzonFandom: Doctor Who/M*A*S*H
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 6095
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and all its characters belong to the BBC; M*A*S*H and all its characters belong to Twentieth Century Fox. I own nothing - not even the Fourteenth Doctor.
Summary: The Doctor returns to a place he has visited in the past to stop some old enemies from recovering something that is best left forgotten.
Warning: Spoilers for Abyssinia, Henry/Welcome to Korea.
Author's note: We're nearly there!
Surgery on the two soldiers seemed to go on forever; Jamie found himself dozing off at one point, only to wake up suddenly to the sound of the Monk's cries of pain. He had been kicked by Hye after a failed attempt to get up and leave while the two of them weren't looking.
"Hey, just what d'you think you're doing?" the Highlander asked.
"Just... stretching my legs," the Time Lord replied while unsuccessfully trying to pull an angelical and innocent-looking expression.
"Aye, stretching them all the way back to your TARDIS, I'm sure," Jamie grumbled, as he stood up and stretched himself.
"Hey, Joe... I mean, Jamie," Hye corrected herself quickly. "You've mentioned that name before. What's a TARDIS?"
Jamie considered for a moment if he should answer this, but decided there was no problem in giving her an explanation. After all, he reasoned, Hye had already been exposed to Rutans and Sontarans - what harm could it do? "Well, it's a ship. The folks from the planet where the Doctor and yon Sassenach here-" he glared at the Monk - "come from use them to travel through time and space."
The lass arched a disbelieving eyebrow. "Time and space?"
"Aye. Me and the Doctor, we've travelled everywhere in her TARDIS." Jamie was keeping a close watch on the Monk, so he heard the doubt in her voice rather than seeing the sceptical expression he knew she still wore.
"Like where?"
"Well, the first time I met those Sontaran beasties was in a space station in the future." He mentally shuddered at the thought. That had been one of the most horrendous experiences of his life, nearly driving him mad. However the Sontarans weren't the direct cause of the lingering trauma he suffered afterwards. Jamie immediately decided against telling Hye about Shockeye; he hadn't even discussed what had happened with Victoria or the Doctor.
Hye crossed her arms and looked at Jamie with a disbelieving smile. "Next you're going to tell me you've been to the moon."
"Oh, aye, I have." Jamie grabbed his belt in what he believed to be his most impressive pose and gave her a lopsided smile. "Twice."
The Monk gave a small chuckle and turned to the lass. "The young man is clearly delirious, my dear girl. Or a pathological liar."
"Hey, just what d'you-" Jamie was about to complain, but a voice behind him cut him off.
"That's funny," Jamie turned to see the Doctor, still covered in faintly blood-smeared white surgical garments now gloveless, standing by the still-swinging doors; the Rutan pretending to be Captain Spalding stood right behind her, scowling at the Monk. "If I were to deem someone in this corridor a liar, it would definitely not be Jamie."
"Oh." The Monk went pale for a few moments, but quickly regained his aplomb. "Oh, my dear Doctor, there's been a terrible mistake. I haven't done anything."
"Really?" the Rutan asked, folding his arms the way Hye had done just a minute before. "I wouldn't call attracting Sontarans to the area and becoming their murdering puppet nothing."
"Not to mention the cowardly attack on my companion," the Doctor added.
"Aye," Jamie growled, shooting him a glare while subconsciously rubbing the back of his head.
"But... but you can't possibly hold me responsible for the Rutans' deaths," the Monk pleaded, apparently under the belief that he was bargaining for his life.
"We don't," 'Spalding' said. "We realize you were as much of a victim of the Sontarans' machinations as our sisters."
"Which is why the good Captain here and I have agreed that the best course of action is to let you go," the Doctor added, her expression mild. The Monk gave a sigh of relief and smiled broadly.
"No, Doctor, you cannae!" Jamie exclaimed. "The man's a rogue!"
"With one condition," the Doctor said, ignoring Jamie's outburst. The Monk's smile died immediately.
"We want the cylinders," the Rutan said firmly.
Jamie couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew that it was dangerous to allow the Monk to keep the cylinders, as he'd probably try to sell them to some other alien race even if he would no longer be stranded on Earth, but the Doctor couldn't possibly give them to the Rutans instead.
The Monk was clearly as surprised as Jamie. "The cylinders? But surely you-"
"Oh, please," the Doctor said, rolling her eyes, "do not put me in the same category as you. I have made an agreement with the Rutans, which I feel benefits us both." She held out her hand. "The cylinders. Now."
"But my dear Doctor," the Monk began again. "Surely we-"
Jamie lost his temper: he didn't feel like listening to the Time Lord while he made another feeble attempt to keep the things for himself. He was still worried about the "agreement" the Doctor had made with the Rutan, but he trusted her, and felt that anything would be better than pandering to the meddling idiot for a moment longer. Before the Monk could finish the sentence, Jamie had already snapped the small leather pouch from his belt. "Och, shut up, already," the Highlander grumbled as he tossed the pouch into the Doctor's waiting hands. "Here you go, Doctor."
"Thank you, Jamie," she said, beaming.
"Doctor, I must protest-" the Monk started to speak.
"Didn't you hear what he said?" Hye asked, raising her bat so that it was in the Monk's line of sight. "Shut up."
This time, the Doctor didn't need to remove the entire contents of the pouch to get to the cylinders, as they were right at the mouth of the small bag. "The missing weapons," the Rutan said, almost reverently as the Doctor removed them.
"Those are weapons?" Hye asked, her voice once again tinged with disbelief.
"Yes, they look quite harmless, don't they?" the Doctor told the lass, looking down at the cylinders cupped in the palm of her hand. "But believe me, just one of these would be able to cause more damage in five minutes than all the destruction caused by this war up until now." The Doctor opened her white frock and reached into her pocket, taking out the sonic screwdriver. She pointed it at the cylinders, but to Jamie's surprise nothing happened, in spite of the obvious tweeing noise of the tool working.
"Deadlocked," 'Spalding' said, almost apologetically.
The Doctor shook her head. "I miss the good old days when nobody deadlocked anything. Still," she added, opening the Monk's pouch again, "not to worry. If I can find... Aha." She produced a small square of clear plastic with several black lines crossing on the surface. "The extra circuits I had in my pocket. Now, I wonder how they got in here..." She pocketed the square, and looked inside the pouch once again, eventually removing a small bottle from inside. Jamie immediately recognized it from earlier, though it was now almost empty, with only a small portion of the green liquid still remaining.
"The coronic acid," the Rutan said darkly.
"Yes," the Doctor replied sadly. "I'm sorry I didn't recognize it for what it was when I searched through the Monk's possessions earlier, but I'm not used to seeing it in liquid form." She looked at Jamie and Hye before explaining. "This acid is usually treated to become effervescent and more volatile, and kept in canisters in order to be used as if it was a bomb."
"That's... that's coronic acid?" The Monk was clearly appalled, and turned a sickly pale hue. "The Sontaran I was dealing with gave me a couple of those, saying it was Sontar cordial. A gesture of good faith, he said."
"You should be glad you did not have the urge to drink it, then," the Doctor said. "He managed to take over your mind and made you use a bottle on himself - which, by the way, reminds me of something..." She reached for the back of the Monk's neck and pinched it.
"Ow!" he yelped. The Doctor then showed them that she was now holding a small black square.
"A little more subtle than their usual methods of mind control, but nevertheless, effective." She placed the small square and the cylinders on the floor, before turning to the Rutan. "Now to fulfil our part of the bargain."
"Be our guest, Doctor," 'Spalding' replied. "The goal of our mission was to not allow for the cylinders to fall into enemy hands."
"Good." The Doctor opened the small bottle. "Now stand aside, everybody. I don't think this will splatter, but you can never be too sure."
Everybody took a step back, and the Doctor poured a few drops of the liquid on each of the objects. With a sizzle, the small square dissolved completely and disappeared, while the two cylinders became a deformed mass. Quickly, the Doctor produced the pair of tweezers she had used earlier in her investigations and picked at the lump.
"Yes," she said with a satisfied smile. "These will no longer be a problem." Hesitantly, she poked at the deformed object with her finger and was immediately satisfied with the lack of reaction. "And since the effect of the acid has run off, I can give them back to you." And with this, she handed the lump back to the Monk with a mischievous smile. "Happy trading."
"But... but..." the Monk spluttered.
"Oh, we're not going through that again, are we?" the Doctor complained, as she took the circuits from her pocket again. "And you can have these circuits as well."
The Monk's eyes widened, his hands already outstretched. "Really?"
"Why not? You need them more than I do." Her voice then hardened. "With one condition."
"What?"
"That you leave Earth this instant. Captain Spalding and I will accompany you to your TARDIS to make sure you dematerialize the moment your repairs are completed."
"And we'll be informing our allies," the Rutan added, "so if you try to come back to this place in the near future you'll have both the Rutan Empire and the Shadow Proclamation on your trail. Got that?"
The Monk nodded. "Agreed."
"Good. Wait here," the Doctor said, removing the rest of her surgical gear and rushing back inside the operating room, followed by the Rutan. Looking through the window of one of the doors, Jamie could see them opening the doors to another, smaller room on the opposite side (where the two Captains and the Majors seemed to be having an argument), and throwing the frocks into a basket, before returning to them.
"Let's go then. Come along, Jamie." They started walking toward the exit. The Doctor, seeing that Hye was also following, paused briefly and said, "Perhaps it's better if you wait here."
"Can't I go too?" Hye asked, defensively.
The Doctor hesitated. "Well..."
"You might need my help," the lass insisted, raising the bat as if to demonstrate. "Just in case."
"I appreciate the intention, Hye dear," the Doctor said. "I really do, but-"
"Please," the girl pleaded. "I just want to see what a TARDIS looks like."
The Doctor gave Jamie a look that made him shuffle his feet embarrassedly. "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie," she said, almost whispering in his ear. "What is it with you and pretty little brunettes in impractical dresses?"
"What? No!" he complained, flushing - but his embarrassment quickly turned into a truculent frown at the sight of the Doctor's mocking smile.
"Well?" the Doctor asked. "What do you think?"
Hye was staring open-mouthed at the spacious interior of the Monk's TARDIS. "It's... it's impossible!" she eventually said. "This is just a tiny hut. You could hardly fit a bed inside."
"All TARDISes I've seen are like this," Jamie said, eager to show off his (limited) knowledge of Time Lord technology. "Bigger on the inside."
"But it's impossible!" she repeated, tracing a hand over a roundel. "How is it done?"
"Och, dinnae ask me," he answered with a shrug. "You can try asking the Doctor, but it will only make you dizzy." The Doctor looked at him with an offended pout, but said nothing. Instead, she turned her attention to the console, where the Monk was trying to replace the circuits under the careful gaze of the Rutan.
"Well, that's done," the Monk said, getting up.
"Good," said the Doctor. "Now that everything is fixed, you'll leave immediately." It wasn't a request.
"And don't ever come back," the Rutan added.
"Don't worry," the Monk said with a scowl, as he started to manipulate the controls. "I've had enough of Korea to last a full set of regenerations."
"Me too," Jamie grumbled, as he once again rubbed his skull.
"Well, thank you, Doctor, for all your help," the Monk said jovially, turning to the Doctor and shaking her hand. She looked at their hands with clear distaste, but was civil enough not to remove hers. "I hope you won't be offended if I tell you I hope our paths will never meet again."
"Not at all," she replied. "The feeling is mutual. But keep in mind," she added, "that if I hear you've got yourself into trouble again I'll be after you to apply a good kick on your backside - both literally and figuratively." The Monk swallowed; Jamie could tell he knew the Doctor meant every word.
"Well, come along, Jamie. And you too, Hye dear." She shooed her towards the door. Jamie and 'Spalding' followed. Once outside, all four of them stood looking at the hut.
"What happens now?" asked Hye, in somewhat breathless awe as she beheld the humble exterior of the Monk's TARDIS and compared it to what she had seen inside.
"Watch," the Doctor said, pointing.
Hye gasped, as a wheezing, grating sound reverberated around them, and the Monk's TARDIS slowly vanished. She passed her bat through the space the 'hut' had occupied. "Where did it go?"
"Who knows?" the Rutan said with a shrug.
"Well, I dinnae care, as long as he's gone," Jamie said. He turned to the Doctor. "But I cannae believe you let him go just like that." The Doctor favoured him with a dire chuckle, but did not reply; a sudden realization came over the young Highlander. "Hey, you did something!"
"Of course I did," the Time Lord huffed. "Do you really think I'd let that meddling fool go scott-free?"
"What did you do?" Hye asked.
"Well, when I was examining the damage to his TARDIS earlier today, I tampered with his navigational system while he wasn't looking." She gave them her most angelic smile. "Rather naughty of me, don't you agree?"
"Where did you send him?" the Rutan said. "To the Shadow Proclamation?"
The Doctor looked offended at this suggestion. "Of course not! He might have done a lot of damage, but he doesn't deserve to be executed without a trial!"
Jamie shuddered: this brought his memories of the time the Time Lords captured the Doctor to the surface. Of course, there had been a trial then, but from what the Doctor had told him, it was almost as if the sentence had been decided before it had even began. He had to agree with her - bad as he was, the Monk didn't really deserve such treatment.
"I've sent him to spend some time with some friends of mine," the Doctor added airily, producing a small dark object - one of the things Jamie had seen her transfer from the tweed coat to her own pockets. "Which leads me to the next step of my plan, and the reason why I wanted my coat."
"What's that?" Hye asked, pointing at the object.
"This? It's a telephone," the Doctor replied with a smile. "My friend Martha gave it to me, and it has proved to be very useful at times."
The lass laughed. "That's not a telephone!"
"Not the type that you've seen in 1951 Korea, no," the Doctor said absent-mindedly, as she pressed some buttons on the surface of the small object, "but it's definitely one, believe it nor not."
"Who are you calling?" the Rutan asked.
"My contact to those friends I've mentioned, of course. I want to give them a warning before they find a TARDIS right on their doorstep." She looked at him. "I'm certain you've heard of the Etaminians?" The Rutan gave an impressed whistle, a habit Jamie was certain he acquired while in his human disguise. However, the two humans with them exchanged blank glances.
"Who are the Etaminians?" Jamie asked.
"They're a highly intelligent and developed race," the Doctor replied. "Almost as stuffy as the Time Lords, I'm afraid, but much easier to deal with. And also rather fond of Earth, I'm glad to say. They've designed their fashion and architecture using ancient Greece as inspiration, and there have even been some cases of marriage between humans and Etaminians."
"And you're calling the Etaminians by phone?" the Rutan asked, incredulously.
"Not the Etaminians, no. Unfortunately, I don't have the means to contact them directly, as their technology is not compatible with anything I own. But I know someone who can do it for me." She started to press the buttons on the telephone again, and held it to her ear. "Pandora is half-Etaminian, you know," she told Jamie, "on her mother's side."
Jamie thought about this. When he first saw a photograph of Professor Pugh as a teenager, he did indeed get the feeling there was something unearthly about her, and that feeling of strangeness had strengthened when he met her in person - although Jamie had dismissed it as the result of her strange behaviour towards him, as if they were long-time friends, and her constant, enigmatic references to a "Moongirl". Now, he was wondering if the woman's pleasant, but somewhat horsy face and the flowery patterns of what he had believed to be a faded scar over her left eye weren't the result of her alien blood. His thoughts were interrupted by the Doctor, who had finally made contact with the Professor on the wee telephone.
"Hello? Pan, dear, it's the Doctor. Listen, I wonder if you can contact your uncle for me? Tell him to warn President Sofin that a visitor is going to arrive at the Etam Forum any time now. A Time Lord. He's relatively harmless, but can cause a lot of trouble when left unattended." Professor Pugh's answer generated a pouty frown from the Doctor. "Yes, Pan, very funny. It's not me, no. Pan..." She quickly tried to change the subject. "Anyway, the visitor is very fond of creature comforts, so I'm sure he'll enjoy a nice holiday in the Etamin system. Have them pamper him as much as he likes, and keep him watched at all times. ...What? Oh, yes, I'll do that. Yes, dear, it was great to hear from you too. Give our love to Jack and Zoe as well. Talk to you soon." She turned off the telephone. "Pan sends you her love, Jamie," she told the Highlander.
Ignoring this, Jamie asked, "That's it? He's going to be 'pampered' after all the trouble he's caused?"
The Rutan smiled. "Don't worry. From what we have heard, the Etaminians are famous for being great hosts, but they're also inflexible. The smallest slip-up will grant him a few centuries in prison - a place more pleasant than any geisha house in Tokyo, but a prison nevertheless, and with the highest security. Even a being as intelligent as a Time Lord-" (the Doctor snorted at this) "won't be able to get out until the sentence is over."
"I doubt he'll ever want to get out, though," the Doctor said. "And even if he does, this will keep him off my back for a while."
"Aye, let's hope so," Jamie grumbled, still not completely mollified.
The Doctor then clapped her hands, clearly pleased with herself. "Well, that's one more problem solved. Shall we head back to camp?"
The first time 'UNIT' had visited the 4077th, they had slipped out quietly after all the commotion was over, Margaret and Radar being the only two people who had actually witnessed their departure. Hawkeye had been sorry for this, as he had wanted to see the epic, Hollywoodesque snog he was certain Jack Harkness would have given Hot Lips right in front of Ferret Face. Or maybe he would have snogged Harkness himself just to see the two Majors' reaction.
This time, however, the whole camp (what remained of it) was gathered around the compound to say their goodbyes. With the doctors' permission, little Haneul was also present, resting carefully in Klinger's yellow-clad arms.
"Goodbye, little one," Major Smith was saying to the little boy, poking him on the nose.
"Bye-bye," he replied, waving a small hand at her.
"He'll be all right, will he not?" McCrimmon asked BJ. Jamie of course was no doctor, but in the sunlight he thought Haneul looked very sallow, if otherwise hale.
"He'll be fine, but it's still going to take a while."
"What happened exactly?" the Scot asked.
"Shrapnel from the bombing," Hye said.
"He was so scared with the noise he ran away instead of hiding with us in Rosie's cellar," Kim added with a whimper. Hawkeye put a comforting hand on her shoulder; he knew the girl felt guilty for not preventing him from bolting outside.
"Courage," Major Smith said, smiling at the girl. "Haneul will be back on his feet in no time, and you can start thinking about your future together."
The girl smiled. "Yeah."
The Major turned her attention to Hye next. "Well, goodbye, dear. I hope things will go well for you as well."
"I'm sure they will," Hye said with a huge smile that worried Hawkeye. He got the feeling the presence of a female doctor, albeit one clearly from another planet, had made her even more determined in achieving her goal.
McCrimmon shook Hye's hand. "You take care of yourself, eh?"
"And you," she replied, grinning, "watch your back."
The boy grumbled.
"Well," 'Calvin' said, turning to the two Captains. "This is goodbye."
"Leaving so soon?" BJ asked.
"Our cover's been blown, which is a shame." He looked around with a wistful expression. "This is a great place."
"You mean, the war, the dirt and the blood all around us?" Hawkeye asked, somewhat disappointed. For all he knew about the little green blobs, he wouldn't be surprised they'd enjoy that sort of thing, but he still hoped 'Calvin' was different.
"True, there is that," 'Calvin' said. "But there's also the people here." He smiled. "Finest kind."
Hawkeye smiled back. "The finest." He briefly hesitated before catching 'Spalding' in a bear hug.
"You take care of yourself," 'Calvin' said, slapping Hawkeye's back. He turned and spoke to the 'UNIT agents'. "Doctor. Mr. McCrimmon. We thank you for your help."
"Like I said, my money's on your lot," the Major said. She then produced the kazoo from the massive tweed coat, which she was wearing like a cloak.
"No, no," 'Calvin' said. "We meant what we said - keep it. Think of it as a small token of appreciation from the Rutan people."
The Major bowed her head slightly, and re-concealed the item in one of the vast jacket's pockets. "And where will you go now?"
"To the caves, to collect our sisters' craft and equipment, then back to the mothership." He looked back at Hawkeye and BJ. "We'll keep an eye on the 4077th from a distance, to ensure that the Sontarans will indeed keep away. You will no longer be bothered by beings from outer space."
"Any chance of ensuring the North Koreans and the Chinese won't be bothering us, either?" BJ asked half-mockingly. Hawkeye knew he knew the answer to this.
'Spalding' sighed. "It only it was that easy... Well, goodbye." With a huge smile, he strolled away towards the woods, guitar slung around his shoulders, playing a Woody Guthrie tune. Hawkeye watched him go, feeling his eyes water. Alien or not, 'Calvin Spalding' had been a good friend, and he was going to miss him.
"Will the Rutans be our allies from now on, I'm wondering?" McCrimmon asked.
"I'm afraid not, Jamie," the Major said sadly. "In a few decades' time the treaty will indeed be broken, and there's a strong chance that when next we meet, we may find ourselves on opposing sides." She gazed after 'Calvin's' vanishing figure. "The treaty was highly beneficial to the Rutans in the long-term, though. When I faced the Sontarans in the 21st century, the Rutans were winning the war."
Hawkeye was going to ask something, but his thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Radar, trusty clipboard in hand, followed by Father Mulcahy and the two Majors. To Hawkeye's disappointment, the latter were back to wearing fatigues; he was hoping to have a few more laughs about how pretty Frank looked in Klinger's pink nightgown.
"We just got hold of the 8063rd," Radar said. "The nurses will be coming back soon."
"Oh, thank heavens for that," Hawkeye said. "Frank's legs were starting to look too appealing to me."
"Shut up, Pierce!" Margaret barked, while old Ferret Face just looked at him with bulging watery eyes and the mouth a perfect "O" of outrage.
"Well, Majors," Major Smith began, "I wish I could say it has been a pleasure, but I know you've had quite a rough time. I hope you won't have to suffer through something like this again."
"Thank you, Major," Margaret said. Frank merely nodded, but the sudden contact of Hot Lips' elbow in his ribs quickly prompted him to add, "Not at all, Major. Thank you for your help."
"Sir? Ma'am." Radar showed Major Smith something that resembled a silver thimble, "your thingummy, sir."
The Major returned it to the young Corporal. "Thank you, Radar, but you better keep it with you for a little while. With the Rutans and the Shadow Proclamation keeping an eye on things, it shouldn't be needed, but it doesn't hurt to make sure."
Radar nodded, pocketing the thimble. "Yes, sir."
"Just to make sure I'll be able to collect it later, though, could you tell me where you'll be keeping it?"
"Oh, yeah." Radar approached the Major and whispered something in her ear.
"A very good place," she said with a grin, before turning to Father Mulcahy. "Father," she said. "I'm sorry we didn't see much of each other. I was told that you and Colonel Smith had some very interesting philosophical discussions."
"Oh. Yes, yes, he was a rather remarkable man. Well," he tipped his hat, "pax vobiscum."
The Major smiled. "And also with you."
At that moment McCrimmon, who had been quietly conversing with BJ, said goodbye to the young surgeon, and turned to Hawkeye.
"Captain Pierce." They shook hands.
"Must you really go so soon?" Hawkeye asked, glancing wistfully at Major Smith.
The piper gave him an annoyed look, and absently tightened his grip, which Hawkeye was able to read as clearly as words: don't push your luck. Right. He had forgotten about that "old married couple" moment in Post-Op.
"Captain." Major Smith held out her hand, which Hawkeye shook. "It's been a pleasure."
Sensing a new wave of irritation radiating from the Lieutenant, Hawkeye did not voice the retort that had sprung to his mind. Instead, he found himself asking, "I have a question before you go, Major."
She looked at him. "Yes?"
"You've never did tell me what's your connection with Colonel Smith."
The Major grinned and, to his surprise, grabbed his face and forced him down to her level, kissing his nose the same way Bigelow had done before leaving. He could feel McCrimmon's gaze bore through him, and considered trying to extricate himself from the Major's grip before he got hurt. Then, to his utter surprise, the Major whispered in his ear, "I am Colonel Smith," before letting go.
"Doctor," McCrimmon complained, scandalized by her behavior.
"It was just a friendly goodbye, Jamie," she said. "No malice whatsoever." She turned to the others. "We'll just go and collect our things in the supply room, and then head to our own transportation. There's no need to wait for us."
"Goodbye," McCrimmon said with a wave, still looking at the Major with a stunned expression.
"You've got quite a lucky nose, haven't you?" BJ asked, as everybody from the MASH unit returned to their duties.
"Too bad the rest of the body doesn't seem to share the luck," Hawkeye replied, trying to sound cheerful. He was still trying to figure out if the words the Major had whispered were a joke or not; after all that had happened, he wasn't sure of anything. "So," he added, "what are you planning to do now?"
"Me? Oh, I'll check up on the patients, and then try to catch up on my sleep. You?"
Hawkeye stretched. "I'm planning to fall unconscious."
"That's a pretty good plan as well," BJ said with a smile. He then stopped suddenly. "That's funny."
"What is?"
"What's that doing there?"
Hawkeye looked in the direction BJ was pointing. Leaning right next to the Post-Op entrance, someone had carefully placed an old baseball bat.
"That's odd," Jamie said, as they reached the TARDIS. "I thought I had covered it when I came to fetch your coat." Indeed, the tarpaulin and the mattresses were not covering the old police box, and the doors were clearly visible.
"Well, you were hit on the head, Jamie," the Doctor said. "The Monk probably caught you before you had managed to finish it."
"Aye, mebbe," Jamie said, but the nagging feeling at the back of his mind still remained. They got inside and closed the door. The Doctor hung the tweed coat back on the hatstand, while Jamie advanced to the door that led to the almost labyrinthic TARDIS corridors. "I dinnae know about you, Doctor," he said, "but I think I'll go lie down for a while. Wake me up when we reach Victoria's place." The thought filled him with joy and anxiety. Finally, after all this time, he was going to see Victoria again.
"Er, Jamie," the Doctor said. Jamie stopped, as he detected the hesitation in her voice. "Listen, I need to go fetch something before we go visit Victoria. Do you mind if we take a little detour?"
"What?" Jamie was appalled. "Doctor, you promised!"
"I know, I know. But I need to go fetch the device I loaned to Radar, and I want to make sure I do it as soon as possible, before I forget to do it."
"Can you not do it after we see Victoria?" the Highlander asked with visible anxiety.
The Doctor looked at him with a sad expression. It was clear to Jamie that she had realized the cause of his concern. "Jamie, I know how you feel, but I'm certain that Victoria will not want to come back with us."
"Eh? Here now, how can you be sure?" he folded his arms stubbornly.
She sighed. "Well, I didn't tell you sooner because I felt she ought to be the one to tell you the news-" Her words were interrupted by a creaking noise, which made them both jump. Jamie's eyes turned to the spot where the sound came from just in time to see the top of the old chest move. "I'm having a terrible feeling of déjà-vu," the Doctor said, as she approached the chest and tapped on the lid. Jamie was instantly reminded of the day Zoe had decided to stow away in the TARDIS, hiding inside the chest.
Jamie grabbed a corner of the lid, while the Doctor went for the opposite, and they opened the chest together. But this time, instead of a tiny astrophysicist in a space uniform, a slightly older and only marginally taller girl in a pink tent-like dress stood up.
Hye.
"I really should put this thing in my room," the Doctor said with a sigh. "What do you think you're doing here?"
"I want to come with you," Hye said firmly.
Jamie was not surprised to hear those words, as the situation was so similar to that of Zoe; however, he was surprised to see Hye saying them. "What about going to school in Tokyo?" he asked, offering her his hand.
"That's just it," she said, as he helped her out of the chest. "You've told me you travel in time, and that you've met women doctors."
"Yes, Jamie is a great conversationalist, isn't he?" the Doctor said, looking at Jamie with narrowed eyes. Jamie blushed at the reprimand, but stood defiant.
"Well," Hye continued, "then you must know of places where I can go to medical school. Please, I want you to take me there." The Doctor hesitated. It was clear to Jamie she didn't really like the idea, and he could see why - this felt like tampering with time. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but feel sorry for the lass. People disappeared in war zones all the time (he knew that quite well). Although he hadn't begged to travel with the Doctor, Polly had asked on his behalf, knowing what lay in store for his folk. He couldn't encourage the Doctor to leave her behind, especially after the way her uncles had treated her.
"Please," she pleaded, as she reached into the pockets in her vest and took out some paper. "I have money. I can pay!"
"No, no, no. Put that away," the Doctor said, waving off the money Hye was trying to give her. "I don't need the stuff."
Hye's pitiful expression was heartbreaking, and Jamie found himself pulling the Doctor aside. "Can we not take her?" he asked. "She told me her story. She has no place to go, no kin to speak of, and she really wants to study medicine."
The Doctor looked between the anxious figure standing beside the chest, and Jamie's serious hazel eyes for a few moments before coming to a decision. "pretty little brunettes in impractical dresses," she said with a teasing smile. "Oh, all right." She turned to Hye. "Have you thought this through carefully? You do realize that if I take you to another point of space and time, you cannot go home?"
"Why not?" Hye asked. "Couldn't you take me back again?"
"This isn't a taxi service, you know!" the Doctor huffed, and trod on Jamie's toe before he could say anything about the Doctor's piloting skills. "And besides, you'll very likely learn techniques that weren't developed in your own time. It would cause a lot of damage to the timeline if you went back afterward."
"Oh." It was clear Hye hadn't thought of that. However, she looked even more determined. "But I still want to go. There is nothing for me here."
"Oh, very well." The Doctor started to talk to herself while absently flipping controls on the console. "But who should I contact for this?" She tapped her lips with her finger and muttered to herself. "Maybe Martha, or Grace. Pan and Graham would also have connections, of course, and Liz..." Her face lit up. "Of course!" She turned to Hye. "Liz Shaw! She's a scientist - she used to be my assistant for a while, before she went back to Cambridge. She has the necessary connections and will probably be able to pull some strings for you. And what's more," she turned to include Jamie, "she's in the same timeline as Victoria, so we can drop by and see Liz after our visit. What do you think?"
"Aye, that' great, Doctor."
"Hye?"
She smiled. "Thank you, Doctor. I like the sound of that."
The Doctor clapped her hands. "Well, that's settled, then." She started in on to the console again, but then paused and looked at the Highlander. "I will have to take that small detour, you know, Jamie. Better safe than sorry."
Jamie shrugged. He was desperate to see Victoria again - and a bit more optimistic than the Doctor of the prospect of convincing her to join them aboard the TARDIS once more - but if the Doctor was so determined to go collect whatever she had given to Radar, then he would have to put up with it and wait. He just hoped it would be quick and relatively trouble-free.
"You don't mind, do you, Hye?" the Doctor suddenly asked.
The lass shrugged. "You're the driver."
"Good. Then, off we go." She pressed a few buttons and levers and, with a wheezing, groaning sound, the TARDIS dematerialized.
