FIC: The Rutan Relics - Chapter 8
May. 18th, 2009 10:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nentariTitle: The Rutan Relics - Chapter 8
Author: Me
Beta-Reader:alouzon
Fandom: Doctor Who/M*A*S*H
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4183
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and all its characters belong to the BBC; M*A*S*H and all its characters belong to Twentieth Century Fox. I own nothing - not even the Fourteenth Doctor.
Summary: The Doctor returns to a place he has visited in the past to stop some old enemies from recovering something that is best left forgotten.
Warning: Spoilers for Abyssinia, Henry/Welcome to Korea.
Author's Notes: Captain Calvin Spalding is yet another obscure M*A*S*H character. He was played by Loudon Wainwright III, and made three appearances in season 3 before disappearing without any explanation.
Chapter 8
"Joe? Joe, are you all right?"
Jamie's head throbbed incessantly. He opened his eyes, but was blinded by the intensity of light and immediately forced them to close again.
"W... what happened?" he asked. Blinking furiously, he tried to get up but felt dizzy. "Ooh," he groaned.
"Don't try to move," the same voice answered, shrill and nervous.
"It's all right," a second voice added - this one softer and calmer, but nevertheless clearly concerned. "Are you OK?"
"Aye, I'm fine," Jamie replied, still groaning. The dizziness was slowly fading, and the blinding flash of light he had experienced was now reduced in its intensity, and he was able to recognize it for what it really was, a ceiling lamp suspended right overhead. He could now see that the two figures kneeling beside him were the two Korean girls - Hye leaning on her ever-present bat like an old man supporting himself with a cane, and Kim clutching a small tin in both hands.
"What happened?" Kim asked.
"I dinnae ken," Jamie said. "I..." He rose again, and touched the back of his head, feeling the small painful lump that had formed there. "I think someone hit me."
Kim looked immediately at Hye in what Jamie identified as silent accusation. The other girl just rolled her eyes at this. "Well, it wasn't me, for a change. I was with you the whole time, remember?" She then turned her attention back to Jamie. "What were you doing here anyway?"
"Fetching the Doctor's coat." He touched its lapel, comforted with the knowledge that he still had it.
The two girls looked at him in surprise. "That big thing belongs to that tiny lady?" Hye asked with disbelief.
"Did she shrink or something?" Kim joked.
"You wouldnae believe me if I told you." Jamie quickly tried to change the subject. "And what are you doing here?"
"Ginger," Kim said, waving the tin.
"Eh?"
"We came to get a tin of ginger," Hye explained.
"There was a fluke," Kim added.
"A fluke?"
"A..." Hye struggled, trying to find the right word. "A mistake with requests. The doctors call it a fluke. They asked for bandages and toilet paper, and I-Corps sent them one hundred balls of string and twenty tins of ginger."
"They do it all the time," Kim said. "The doctors give what they don't need to the villagers."
"And Hawkeye said we can have all the ginger we want."
"For what?" Jamie asked.
"For tea," was Hye's quick reply.
"Eh?" Jamie was mystified. The camp had been evacuated, the Doctor had been attacked, there was a good chance of an alien invasion occurring any time now, and these girls were concerned with making a pot of tea?
"It's very cold at night and ginger tea is good for cold. I'm making it for the patients."
"Does it really work?" Jamie asked, as the two girls helped him get up.
"My grandmother taught me about herbs," Hye said. "My father was a doctor like Hawkeye, but he always said we should respect old medicine."
"Hye wants to be a doctor too," Kim added, and Jamie saw the disapproval in her expression once more.
"Yeah, well..." Hye seemed a bit embarrassed about this. She quickly changed the subject. "Did you see who hit you?" she asked Jamie.
"No, I was too bus cov-" He stopped himself before he could say: covering the TARDIS. "Er, tidying things up."
Hye frowned. "Why would anyone do such a thing?"
"I dinnae ken," Jamie said after some thought. "The coat..." He broke off, as he remembered something.
"What?" Kim asked.
Jamie checked his breast pocket, and went white as chalk. "The cylinders..." he muttered.
"What?" Kim repeated, confused.
"The cylinders. They're gone."
***
"Hawk."
Hawkeye jumped at the sound of BJ's voice. Luckily for his self-esteem, he managed to avoid letting out a very Frankish yelp, but his reaction was still obvious enough for the younger Captain.
"It's just me," BJ reassured him. "Calvin's back, so I'm taking a bit of a break. You're a bit on edge, aren't you?"
"I have the feeling I'll need to be potty-trained again very soon," Hawkeye replied.
"That bad, huh?"
"Well, war is war," he said, trying to pretend this had been just another ordinary, blood-soaked, nerve-wracking day. So far, he hadn't told BJ anything about what had really happened at Rosie's Bar, apart from Major Smith getting electrocuted and surviving miraculously. Having only known his bunkmate for a week, he still wasn't sure how he'd react to a story like this - hell, he wasn't sure how Trapper would have reacted, and Trap had seen a Rutan in action the last time the camp had received an otherworldly visit.
He glanced at the microscope he had just been peering into, and the x-ray lying next to it on the table. He wasn't sure if even with this evidence, that he had a way to explain part of the story to BJ without fear of getting an appointment with Sidney Freedman that didn't involve poker.
"A rusty dime for your thoughts," BJ said, as if sensing Hawkeye's urge to talk.
"What happened to the penny?"
"Sorry," BJ said, with the obviously fake angelical smile Hawkeye was beginning to find both endearing and annoying. "Haven't got a penny - just the rusty dime."
"Cheapskate." Hawkeye smiled. Oh, what the hell, he thought. Let's see what he makes of this. "Beej," he began, "what do you think of our lovely Major Smith?"
"Well, she seems more tolerable than any other Major around here, but there really isn't much to compare her to," BJ replied. "She also seems to have a strong resistance to electric shocks."
"Well, that's not all," Hawkeye said. "You see, before McCrimmon left, he told me that I shouldn't be surprised if I was to examine her and found something funny, because she's 'not exactly normal'."
"I gather you did find something funny, then?"
"Yes. Well, I was only going to check up on her stats, but what I found made me curious."
"And that was..." BJ said encouraging his friend to carry on.
"Well, she seemed OK at first, but her pulse was seventy percent below normal and her breathing was down to a quarter."
BJ shook his head. "She's not as resistant was we thought, then, if she's getting worse."
"But that's just it," Hawkeye insisted. "She's not getting worse - she has stabilized at those levels. And in spite of the lack of oxygen you'd expect under these conditions, she seems to be in perfect health."
"'Not exactly normal'," BJ repeated, before adding. "You got curious."
"Of course I got curious. I decided to do some tests..." he peeked into the microscope again, "...and found this."
He gestured for BJ to look into the lens as well. After a few seconds, the younger Captain lifted his head again, quizzically.
"What's this?" he asked.
"A sample of her blood."
BJ looked again, before resurfacing with a smile of disbelief. "C'mon, what is this thing?"
"I told you, that's her blood." Before BJ could say anything, he added, "Look, if you don't believe me you can draw some more yourself, though I'm sure she won't like being treated like a pincushion."
BJ looked doubtful and bemused.
"But that's not all," Hawkeye added, producing the x-ray. "What do you think of this?"
"Chest x-ray," BJ said simply.
"Oh, come on, Beej," said Hawkeye, "even Frank could tell me that. No, what do you think of the contents?"
BJ examined the x-ray carefully, raising it against a lamp to get a better look. "This is ruined," he eventually said. "Double-exposure."
Hawkeye grinned. "And what makes you say that?"
"Well, there's two hearts in it."
"Yeah, that was my thought at first - but look at this," he pointed. "Here... and here. Everything links perfectly. If this was a case of double-exposure some parts of the image would overlap. These are two completely different hearts, both of them belonging to the same person - that woman lying on one of our beds."
BJ was speechless. Hawkeye knew that he had managed to convince him, but the poor man was still having to struggle with combining this new information with years of study and the beliefs of a lifetime. Hoping that it would help break the trance from his friend, he eventually said, "I can't wait for the Major to wake up. I've got a few questions to ask her."
It was then that he heard the opening notes of George Gershwin's I've Got Rhythm drifting from the other side of the doors, quickly followed by the sound of a child laughing.
"What..."
"It's probably Calvin," BJ said, finally managing to unlock his jaw. "I told you he was back."
"Oh yeah..."
Calvin Spalding was a young Captain who worked at an EVAC but who was occasionally assigned to the 4077th when there was the need for an extra pair of hands to compensate for Frank's inability - which was almost every time they had patients. During the manic day that saw Trapper leave and BJ arrive, Hawkeye didn't have much time to think about anything else, but afterwards he wondered why I-Corps didn't just assign Calvin to them permanently. He was an accomplished musician who was always seen holding a musical instrument (usually his guitar, though there were others) during their off-hours, and loved to entertain everybody with songs and dance, often succeeding in helping them overcome their heres and nows.
"Sounds like a kazoo this time," BJ said absent-mindedly, as he glanced at the x-ray once again with an astonished expression.
"Yeah," Hawkeye said, as he heard more laughter. "Haneul seems to be recovering well, from the sound of it."
"I just can't believe it..." BJ muttered, still staring at the x-ray, as Hawkeye turned his attention back to the microscope. He knew he was looking at blood he himself had taken from Major Smith's arm, but it was impossible that it could belong to a human. Who - or what - was this woman?
More laughter. Hawkeye sensed BJ finally awakening from his stupor and heading for the door that connected the small lab and the Post-Op ward.
"Calvin, stop that," BJ said, "the kid'll tear a sti-" Pause. "Hawk?"
"Yeah?" Hawkeye asked, looking up.
"How long ago did you take Major Smith's blood?"
"Just a few minutes ago. Why?"
"I think you should come here for a second."
Curious, Hawkeye walked towards the door and looked into the ward.
Contrary to what they thought, Calvin Spalding was not playing his kazoo. Instead, he was leaning against a wall, standing on his head - something he had done the last time they had evacuated the nurses, as a sign of protest. Right next to him, also upside-down, was Major Smith, looking as if nothing had happened to her. One of her hands was braced against the floor, steadying her; the other held the kazoo she was humming into, while her toes tapped to the rhythm of the song. The combination of her movements and the force of gravity allowed her socks (black and white stripes, as opposed to the standard grey) to peek over her trouser legs. Hawkeye could see why the scene amused little Haneul so much; the boy laughed and clapped his hands, his cherubic face filled with delight at the unexpected moment of entertainment.
Then, with a clownish jump, Major Smith got up and bowed. Several patients applauded, laughing, Haneul giggling with delight.
"More! More!" the little boy chirped. His English was even more limited than Mama San's, but he had managed to learn a few words from the nurses - this one, Hawkeye remembered, was the result of Nurse Able trying to encourage the boy to ask for more food, but it looked as if he understood it could also apply for other requests.
The Major shook her head with a smile. "It was fun, my dear, but I have other pressing matters to attend to right now."
"More?" Haneul repeated, pouting.
She smiled and poked his nose. "Oh, all right, maybe later." She then turned to Calvin. "Here's your kazoo, Captain."
"Please, keep it," the still upside-down doctor said, his face now red. "As a thank-you gift."
She looked surprised. "For what?"
"For being the last pretty face around here," he said with a mischievous grin.
It was then that Hawkeye's defence mechanism kicked in, overriding the shock of his recent discovery. "Oh, Calvin," he said, approaching them, "after all the things we said to each other." He looked at Major Smith with his trademark naughty smile. "All those long, cold, lonely nights."
"We were drunk," Calvin said without missing a beat. He was used to Hawkeye's retorts by now. "Give me enough booze, and I'll think Frank looks like Lana Turner."
The Major smiled at them, but ignored the conversation. "Well, thank you, Captain," she told Calvin, as she pocketed the kazoo. "I think you should stand up now, before you cause any serious damage to yourself."
"I'll do it as soon as my ears pop," the young Captain replied.
Before the Major could answer, Hawkeye touched her shoulder. The defence mechanism was down now, but he still found the courage to advance. "We need to talk."
The Major looked at him calmly. "Do you know a quiet place?"
Hawkeye nodded towards the lab, where BJ was still standing by the door, gaping at her.
The moment they entered (followed by BJ, who closed the door), the Major sat on the chair and said, "I suppose you've examined me."
"Yes," Hawkeye said.
The Major looked at the table, noticing the x-ray and the microscope. "Yes, it was inevitable. You did a nice job collecting the blood, by the way. If it wasn't for my sleeve still being rolled up, I would have hardly noticed it."
"Well, I am a professional ghoul," Hawkeye said, the urge to crack jokes resurfacing again.
"And now you're confused with the results," the Major continued.
"'Confused' is an understatement," BJ finally managed to say.
"Yes, I suppose so." The Major picked up the x-ray and examined it. "Hmm, not my best side, I admit." She grinned. "You know, I never had my feet x-rayed, and I have the feeling the ones I have right now would make a lovely picture. Great bone structure."
"Look," Hawkeye said, "What's going on? Who - or what - are you?"
The Major sighed. "I am what the Rutans called me in the bar. A Time Lord."
BJ arched an eyebrow. "And what is that?"
"Someone not from this world," she replied. "Though, of course, you reached that conclusion by yourselves."
"And what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to help. You have Rutans running around, and a dead Sontaran-"
"And I assume a Sontaran, whatever that is, is not from this world, either," BJ interrupted.
"Yes."
"Then why are you helping us? This isn't your world," Hawkeye asked.
"This isn't your country or your war," the Major said simply, "and yet you're here."
"Not by choice," Hawkeye protested, but the Major ignored him and continued.
"I'm here to help. I received a message from Radar, and came to investigate."
Hawkeye was aching to say something else, but the Major cut him off. "And before you ask, I'm very fond of this planet and its people. I sometimes feel closer to Earth than to my own world, and I'm not going to let it get involved in the stupid, pointless war between the Sontarans and the Rutans." She sighed. "I'm sure you'll agree that the one you're dealing with is bad enough."
A long silence followed this, as the two Captains tried to assimilate everything. Hawkeye's head was spinning; it was all so impossible. He looked at the tiny figure sitting before them, with her delicate elfin features, the short, messy hair that constantly fell in front of a pair of brown eyes... She looked just like any ordinary woman he's met in Korea, the kind that joined the army in search of experience, excitement and easy men, and returned home sooner than expected because they couldn't cope. And yet, there was something about her that was anything but ordinary. Maybe the eyes, which had a strange sparkle that seemed to turn its ordinary brownness into something exquisite. Maybe the voice, that carried an air of authority which made her sound older than she looked. Or maybe it was the fact that she had two hearts and an impossible blood type.
He looked at BJ, and found his gaze returned. His friend was asking the same silent question than he was: should we trust her?
And instantly, they both gave the same silent answer: yes.
"What can we do?" Hawkeye asked.
Major Smith shrugged. "We wait. It's frustrating, I know, but right now we're at a disadvantage. We'll have to wait for the Rutans to contact us; we'll have to wait for news about the Sontarans - and hope against hope that none will show up - and we'll have to wait for Jamie to come back with something I need." She paused, her features creasing into a thoughtful frown. "Where is Jamie, anyway? He's been gone an awfully long time."
***
"You don't need to stay with us," Hye admonished, as she searched for a pot.
"Yeah," Kim added. "We can look after ourselves." She paused, before admitting, "Well, Hye can look after me."
"I'm staying," Jamie said, leaning against one of the steel counters. "It wouldnae be right, leaving two wee lassies like yourselves alone when there's Rutans out there."
Klinger's nose rose. The Corporal was peeling potatoes at a nearby table and had heard the conversation; it didn't seem that he had heard the reference to Rutans, though, as his thoughts seemed to focus on something else. "Alone? What am I, chopped liver?"
Jamie glanced at the man, whom he had only seen briefly at lunchtime and who had immediately stood out. While the rest of the staff at the hospital seemed to wear nothing but olive-green fatigues, Klinger seemed to prefer garments that, so far in his travels with the Doctor, Jamie had only seen being worn by women; he silently wondered at the reason for this. Right now, the man was wearing a canary-yellow crinoline dress that looked as if it had been stolen from Victoria's wardrobe, back in her early days aboard the TARDIS, and forced himself not to ask questions about it. Instead, he added, "And besides, you'll be needing help taking everything back to the ward."
"It's only the pot," Kim said. "There's plenty of mugs at Post-Op." She then turned to the man in yellow and asked, "Need a hand, Klinger?"
The Corporal smiled. "Nah, I've got it covered. Hey, wait," he dropped the potato he had been peeling and wiped his hands on a piece of cloth. "I've got something here." He grabbed a small purse that matched the dress, and removed something small and square from inside, wrapped in delicate red paper.
Kim's eyes widened. "Chocolate!" she shrieked with delight.
"For the kid."
"Real chocolate?" Kim asked.
"Got it from the same guy I get my stockings from," Klinger said with a grin.
Kim beamed. "Oh, Klinger, I don't know how to thank you!"
"Just let me see the smile on that little angel's face," the Corporal said, returning to the potatoes.
"You deserve a reward," Kim insisted. "This is real chocolate!"
"How about a week's pass to look through the hole on the nurses' shower?" Hye suggested, to Jamie's shock.
Klinger shook his head. "No thanks, kid. I'm a happily married man… and they always end up poking my eye when I look. Besides," he added, "I know you need the money."
"Er," Jamie's curiosity was stronger than his outrage, "why d'you need money so badly that you have to do something like that?"
Hye lowered her eyes, as if she was about to say something foolish. "To go to Tokyo." Her voice was almost a murmur.
"I told you, Hye wants to be a doctor," Kim said, the disapproval in her voice once more strongly present, "but she needs to leave Korea to study."
"Well, can she not study here?"
Hye lifted her gaze. "I am a woman," she said simply, and shrugged.
Jamie didn't know what to say about this. In his own time, it was almost impossible to find any educated women, let alone doctors - and yet, during his travels in the TARDIS, he had grown accustomed to the thought that women from the future were able to do anything they wanted - Zoe being the first example that came to his mind, having heard her talk often enough about how she held a degree in Pure Mathematics (with honours!) before being sent to the Wheel at the age of fifteen. And this was 1951 - this was the future. Surely Hye would have been able to become a doctor without any obstacles?
Jamie was about to express his thoughts, when they heard the kettle whistle.
"It's ready!" Hye said with a jump, as she grabbed the pot, the shredded ginger already inside.
"It's time to go, then, Joe," Kim said, turning to Jamie.
"Och, I told you before," the Highlander protested with a scowl, "the name's Jamie!"
"Sorry," Kim said, her face expressing confusion at Jamie's reaction.
"What is this 'Joe' nonsense anyway?" he continued.
"Ah, don't mind that," Klinger said, as he picked up another potato. "That's how all American soldiers are known. 'G.I. Joe', you know."
"Well, I'm a Scot," Jamie said proudly.
Klinger smiled. "Don't take it too personally, kid. You're over here and wearing a uniform, you're bound to be mistaken for an American."
Jamie sighed. "All right." He didn't feel like pressing the matter. He didn't want to leave the girls alone with those beasties running around the camp, pretending to be the Majors, but at the same time he was anxious to get back to the Doctor, and warn her about the missing cylinders. He wanted to make sure she was all right, and hoped to see her once again awake and well, jumping at the sight of him and running to give him an embarrassing, bone-crushing hug - the kind of sign of affection this new Doctor seemed very keen on giving him. Normally, his face would flush bright red the moment she did this, but now he desperately wished for it - it would mean she was completely recovered.
He turned to the girls, who were placing the teapot, now ready, on a small tray. "Let's go, then."
***
"What's with Jamie?" Hawkeye suddenly asked.
The Major looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, is he a Time Lord like you?"
"Oh, no," she said. "He's as human as you."
She glanced at the door with a worried expression for the millionth time in the past five minutes. Hawkeye felt the urge to ask what the story between her and the young Scot was, what had drawn a human and an alien to work together - and if there was anything beyond that. But then he remembered something.
"What about the others?"
"What others?" she asked.
"You know. Lieutenant Tyler, Captain Harkness and Colonel Smith. The people that handled that lone Rutan last year. Humans or Time Lords?"
"Oh, right." She smiled. "Yes, Rose and Jack are humans as well."
"And what about the Colonel?" he asked.
Her smile widened. "It's funny you should mention him..."
"He's a Smith as well, isn't he?" BJ pointed out. "Your brother?"
The Major said nothing.
"Your husband?" Hawkeye asked.
"There are a lot of Smiths out there," she said, the smile still strong.
"How many alien Smiths, then?"
"Only one," she said, with that maddeningly mysterious grin.
BJ and Hawkeye exchanged looks, confused.
***
As they were about to approach the Post-Op ward, Kim let out a whimper.
"What is it, lass?" Jamie asked.
"Look," she said, pointing at the figure about to enter the ward. Jamie's eyes widened at the sight, and pulled the two girls back, where they would be out of sight.
"What is that?" Hye asked as she straightened the pot, which she had grabbed in order prevent it from tumbling from the tray after Jamie's startled reaction.
The young Highlander's gaze was fixed on the now empty door, a single silent word escaping his lips.
"Doctor..."
***
"Finally!" Major Smith exclaimed, as she heard the outside door. She left the lab and rushed to the ward. "Jamie, what kept you so long? I-"
The words died on her lips. Like her, Captain Spalding and the patients stared speechless at the stocky figure that had entered, with its domed, potato-like head and the silver uniform.
It was BJ, who had trailed behind the Major, followed closely by Hawkeye, who finally broke the silence. "What the...?"
"I am Colonel Kaall of the Sontaran army," the creature said. "I believe you have something that I want."
Author: Me
Beta-Reader:
alouzonFandom: Doctor Who/M*A*S*H
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4183
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and all its characters belong to the BBC; M*A*S*H and all its characters belong to Twentieth Century Fox. I own nothing - not even the Fourteenth Doctor.
Summary: The Doctor returns to a place he has visited in the past to stop some old enemies from recovering something that is best left forgotten.
Warning: Spoilers for Abyssinia, Henry/Welcome to Korea.
Author's Notes: Captain Calvin Spalding is yet another obscure M*A*S*H character. He was played by Loudon Wainwright III, and made three appearances in season 3 before disappearing without any explanation.
"Joe? Joe, are you all right?"
Jamie's head throbbed incessantly. He opened his eyes, but was blinded by the intensity of light and immediately forced them to close again.
"W... what happened?" he asked. Blinking furiously, he tried to get up but felt dizzy. "Ooh," he groaned.
"Don't try to move," the same voice answered, shrill and nervous.
"It's all right," a second voice added - this one softer and calmer, but nevertheless clearly concerned. "Are you OK?"
"Aye, I'm fine," Jamie replied, still groaning. The dizziness was slowly fading, and the blinding flash of light he had experienced was now reduced in its intensity, and he was able to recognize it for what it really was, a ceiling lamp suspended right overhead. He could now see that the two figures kneeling beside him were the two Korean girls - Hye leaning on her ever-present bat like an old man supporting himself with a cane, and Kim clutching a small tin in both hands.
"What happened?" Kim asked.
"I dinnae ken," Jamie said. "I..." He rose again, and touched the back of his head, feeling the small painful lump that had formed there. "I think someone hit me."
Kim looked immediately at Hye in what Jamie identified as silent accusation. The other girl just rolled her eyes at this. "Well, it wasn't me, for a change. I was with you the whole time, remember?" She then turned her attention back to Jamie. "What were you doing here anyway?"
"Fetching the Doctor's coat." He touched its lapel, comforted with the knowledge that he still had it.
The two girls looked at him in surprise. "That big thing belongs to that tiny lady?" Hye asked with disbelief.
"Did she shrink or something?" Kim joked.
"You wouldnae believe me if I told you." Jamie quickly tried to change the subject. "And what are you doing here?"
"Ginger," Kim said, waving the tin.
"Eh?"
"We came to get a tin of ginger," Hye explained.
"There was a fluke," Kim added.
"A fluke?"
"A..." Hye struggled, trying to find the right word. "A mistake with requests. The doctors call it a fluke. They asked for bandages and toilet paper, and I-Corps sent them one hundred balls of string and twenty tins of ginger."
"They do it all the time," Kim said. "The doctors give what they don't need to the villagers."
"And Hawkeye said we can have all the ginger we want."
"For what?" Jamie asked.
"For tea," was Hye's quick reply.
"Eh?" Jamie was mystified. The camp had been evacuated, the Doctor had been attacked, there was a good chance of an alien invasion occurring any time now, and these girls were concerned with making a pot of tea?
"It's very cold at night and ginger tea is good for cold. I'm making it for the patients."
"Does it really work?" Jamie asked, as the two girls helped him get up.
"My grandmother taught me about herbs," Hye said. "My father was a doctor like Hawkeye, but he always said we should respect old medicine."
"Hye wants to be a doctor too," Kim added, and Jamie saw the disapproval in her expression once more.
"Yeah, well..." Hye seemed a bit embarrassed about this. She quickly changed the subject. "Did you see who hit you?" she asked Jamie.
"No, I was too bus cov-" He stopped himself before he could say: covering the TARDIS. "Er, tidying things up."
Hye frowned. "Why would anyone do such a thing?"
"I dinnae ken," Jamie said after some thought. "The coat..." He broke off, as he remembered something.
"What?" Kim asked.
Jamie checked his breast pocket, and went white as chalk. "The cylinders..." he muttered.
"What?" Kim repeated, confused.
"The cylinders. They're gone."
"Hawk."
Hawkeye jumped at the sound of BJ's voice. Luckily for his self-esteem, he managed to avoid letting out a very Frankish yelp, but his reaction was still obvious enough for the younger Captain.
"It's just me," BJ reassured him. "Calvin's back, so I'm taking a bit of a break. You're a bit on edge, aren't you?"
"I have the feeling I'll need to be potty-trained again very soon," Hawkeye replied.
"That bad, huh?"
"Well, war is war," he said, trying to pretend this had been just another ordinary, blood-soaked, nerve-wracking day. So far, he hadn't told BJ anything about what had really happened at Rosie's Bar, apart from Major Smith getting electrocuted and surviving miraculously. Having only known his bunkmate for a week, he still wasn't sure how he'd react to a story like this - hell, he wasn't sure how Trapper would have reacted, and Trap had seen a Rutan in action the last time the camp had received an otherworldly visit.
He glanced at the microscope he had just been peering into, and the x-ray lying next to it on the table. He wasn't sure if even with this evidence, that he had a way to explain part of the story to BJ without fear of getting an appointment with Sidney Freedman that didn't involve poker.
"A rusty dime for your thoughts," BJ said, as if sensing Hawkeye's urge to talk.
"What happened to the penny?"
"Sorry," BJ said, with the obviously fake angelical smile Hawkeye was beginning to find both endearing and annoying. "Haven't got a penny - just the rusty dime."
"Cheapskate." Hawkeye smiled. Oh, what the hell, he thought. Let's see what he makes of this. "Beej," he began, "what do you think of our lovely Major Smith?"
"Well, she seems more tolerable than any other Major around here, but there really isn't much to compare her to," BJ replied. "She also seems to have a strong resistance to electric shocks."
"Well, that's not all," Hawkeye said. "You see, before McCrimmon left, he told me that I shouldn't be surprised if I was to examine her and found something funny, because she's 'not exactly normal'."
"I gather you did find something funny, then?"
"Yes. Well, I was only going to check up on her stats, but what I found made me curious."
"And that was..." BJ said encouraging his friend to carry on.
"Well, she seemed OK at first, but her pulse was seventy percent below normal and her breathing was down to a quarter."
BJ shook his head. "She's not as resistant was we thought, then, if she's getting worse."
"But that's just it," Hawkeye insisted. "She's not getting worse - she has stabilized at those levels. And in spite of the lack of oxygen you'd expect under these conditions, she seems to be in perfect health."
"'Not exactly normal'," BJ repeated, before adding. "You got curious."
"Of course I got curious. I decided to do some tests..." he peeked into the microscope again, "...and found this."
He gestured for BJ to look into the lens as well. After a few seconds, the younger Captain lifted his head again, quizzically.
"What's this?" he asked.
"A sample of her blood."
BJ looked again, before resurfacing with a smile of disbelief. "C'mon, what is this thing?"
"I told you, that's her blood." Before BJ could say anything, he added, "Look, if you don't believe me you can draw some more yourself, though I'm sure she won't like being treated like a pincushion."
BJ looked doubtful and bemused.
"But that's not all," Hawkeye added, producing the x-ray. "What do you think of this?"
"Chest x-ray," BJ said simply.
"Oh, come on, Beej," said Hawkeye, "even Frank could tell me that. No, what do you think of the contents?"
BJ examined the x-ray carefully, raising it against a lamp to get a better look. "This is ruined," he eventually said. "Double-exposure."
Hawkeye grinned. "And what makes you say that?"
"Well, there's two hearts in it."
"Yeah, that was my thought at first - but look at this," he pointed. "Here... and here. Everything links perfectly. If this was a case of double-exposure some parts of the image would overlap. These are two completely different hearts, both of them belonging to the same person - that woman lying on one of our beds."
BJ was speechless. Hawkeye knew that he had managed to convince him, but the poor man was still having to struggle with combining this new information with years of study and the beliefs of a lifetime. Hoping that it would help break the trance from his friend, he eventually said, "I can't wait for the Major to wake up. I've got a few questions to ask her."
It was then that he heard the opening notes of George Gershwin's I've Got Rhythm drifting from the other side of the doors, quickly followed by the sound of a child laughing.
"What..."
"It's probably Calvin," BJ said, finally managing to unlock his jaw. "I told you he was back."
"Oh yeah..."
Calvin Spalding was a young Captain who worked at an EVAC but who was occasionally assigned to the 4077th when there was the need for an extra pair of hands to compensate for Frank's inability - which was almost every time they had patients. During the manic day that saw Trapper leave and BJ arrive, Hawkeye didn't have much time to think about anything else, but afterwards he wondered why I-Corps didn't just assign Calvin to them permanently. He was an accomplished musician who was always seen holding a musical instrument (usually his guitar, though there were others) during their off-hours, and loved to entertain everybody with songs and dance, often succeeding in helping them overcome their heres and nows.
"Sounds like a kazoo this time," BJ said absent-mindedly, as he glanced at the x-ray once again with an astonished expression.
"Yeah," Hawkeye said, as he heard more laughter. "Haneul seems to be recovering well, from the sound of it."
"I just can't believe it..." BJ muttered, still staring at the x-ray, as Hawkeye turned his attention back to the microscope. He knew he was looking at blood he himself had taken from Major Smith's arm, but it was impossible that it could belong to a human. Who - or what - was this woman?
More laughter. Hawkeye sensed BJ finally awakening from his stupor and heading for the door that connected the small lab and the Post-Op ward.
"Calvin, stop that," BJ said, "the kid'll tear a sti-" Pause. "Hawk?"
"Yeah?" Hawkeye asked, looking up.
"How long ago did you take Major Smith's blood?"
"Just a few minutes ago. Why?"
"I think you should come here for a second."
Curious, Hawkeye walked towards the door and looked into the ward.
Contrary to what they thought, Calvin Spalding was not playing his kazoo. Instead, he was leaning against a wall, standing on his head - something he had done the last time they had evacuated the nurses, as a sign of protest. Right next to him, also upside-down, was Major Smith, looking as if nothing had happened to her. One of her hands was braced against the floor, steadying her; the other held the kazoo she was humming into, while her toes tapped to the rhythm of the song. The combination of her movements and the force of gravity allowed her socks (black and white stripes, as opposed to the standard grey) to peek over her trouser legs. Hawkeye could see why the scene amused little Haneul so much; the boy laughed and clapped his hands, his cherubic face filled with delight at the unexpected moment of entertainment.
Then, with a clownish jump, Major Smith got up and bowed. Several patients applauded, laughing, Haneul giggling with delight.
"More! More!" the little boy chirped. His English was even more limited than Mama San's, but he had managed to learn a few words from the nurses - this one, Hawkeye remembered, was the result of Nurse Able trying to encourage the boy to ask for more food, but it looked as if he understood it could also apply for other requests.
The Major shook her head with a smile. "It was fun, my dear, but I have other pressing matters to attend to right now."
"More?" Haneul repeated, pouting.
She smiled and poked his nose. "Oh, all right, maybe later." She then turned to Calvin. "Here's your kazoo, Captain."
"Please, keep it," the still upside-down doctor said, his face now red. "As a thank-you gift."
She looked surprised. "For what?"
"For being the last pretty face around here," he said with a mischievous grin.
It was then that Hawkeye's defence mechanism kicked in, overriding the shock of his recent discovery. "Oh, Calvin," he said, approaching them, "after all the things we said to each other." He looked at Major Smith with his trademark naughty smile. "All those long, cold, lonely nights."
"We were drunk," Calvin said without missing a beat. He was used to Hawkeye's retorts by now. "Give me enough booze, and I'll think Frank looks like Lana Turner."
The Major smiled at them, but ignored the conversation. "Well, thank you, Captain," she told Calvin, as she pocketed the kazoo. "I think you should stand up now, before you cause any serious damage to yourself."
"I'll do it as soon as my ears pop," the young Captain replied.
Before the Major could answer, Hawkeye touched her shoulder. The defence mechanism was down now, but he still found the courage to advance. "We need to talk."
The Major looked at him calmly. "Do you know a quiet place?"
Hawkeye nodded towards the lab, where BJ was still standing by the door, gaping at her.
The moment they entered (followed by BJ, who closed the door), the Major sat on the chair and said, "I suppose you've examined me."
"Yes," Hawkeye said.
The Major looked at the table, noticing the x-ray and the microscope. "Yes, it was inevitable. You did a nice job collecting the blood, by the way. If it wasn't for my sleeve still being rolled up, I would have hardly noticed it."
"Well, I am a professional ghoul," Hawkeye said, the urge to crack jokes resurfacing again.
"And now you're confused with the results," the Major continued.
"'Confused' is an understatement," BJ finally managed to say.
"Yes, I suppose so." The Major picked up the x-ray and examined it. "Hmm, not my best side, I admit." She grinned. "You know, I never had my feet x-rayed, and I have the feeling the ones I have right now would make a lovely picture. Great bone structure."
"Look," Hawkeye said, "What's going on? Who - or what - are you?"
The Major sighed. "I am what the Rutans called me in the bar. A Time Lord."
BJ arched an eyebrow. "And what is that?"
"Someone not from this world," she replied. "Though, of course, you reached that conclusion by yourselves."
"And what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to help. You have Rutans running around, and a dead Sontaran-"
"And I assume a Sontaran, whatever that is, is not from this world, either," BJ interrupted.
"Yes."
"Then why are you helping us? This isn't your world," Hawkeye asked.
"This isn't your country or your war," the Major said simply, "and yet you're here."
"Not by choice," Hawkeye protested, but the Major ignored him and continued.
"I'm here to help. I received a message from Radar, and came to investigate."
Hawkeye was aching to say something else, but the Major cut him off. "And before you ask, I'm very fond of this planet and its people. I sometimes feel closer to Earth than to my own world, and I'm not going to let it get involved in the stupid, pointless war between the Sontarans and the Rutans." She sighed. "I'm sure you'll agree that the one you're dealing with is bad enough."
A long silence followed this, as the two Captains tried to assimilate everything. Hawkeye's head was spinning; it was all so impossible. He looked at the tiny figure sitting before them, with her delicate elfin features, the short, messy hair that constantly fell in front of a pair of brown eyes... She looked just like any ordinary woman he's met in Korea, the kind that joined the army in search of experience, excitement and easy men, and returned home sooner than expected because they couldn't cope. And yet, there was something about her that was anything but ordinary. Maybe the eyes, which had a strange sparkle that seemed to turn its ordinary brownness into something exquisite. Maybe the voice, that carried an air of authority which made her sound older than she looked. Or maybe it was the fact that she had two hearts and an impossible blood type.
He looked at BJ, and found his gaze returned. His friend was asking the same silent question than he was: should we trust her?
And instantly, they both gave the same silent answer: yes.
"What can we do?" Hawkeye asked.
Major Smith shrugged. "We wait. It's frustrating, I know, but right now we're at a disadvantage. We'll have to wait for the Rutans to contact us; we'll have to wait for news about the Sontarans - and hope against hope that none will show up - and we'll have to wait for Jamie to come back with something I need." She paused, her features creasing into a thoughtful frown. "Where is Jamie, anyway? He's been gone an awfully long time."
"You don't need to stay with us," Hye admonished, as she searched for a pot.
"Yeah," Kim added. "We can look after ourselves." She paused, before admitting, "Well, Hye can look after me."
"I'm staying," Jamie said, leaning against one of the steel counters. "It wouldnae be right, leaving two wee lassies like yourselves alone when there's Rutans out there."
Klinger's nose rose. The Corporal was peeling potatoes at a nearby table and had heard the conversation; it didn't seem that he had heard the reference to Rutans, though, as his thoughts seemed to focus on something else. "Alone? What am I, chopped liver?"
Jamie glanced at the man, whom he had only seen briefly at lunchtime and who had immediately stood out. While the rest of the staff at the hospital seemed to wear nothing but olive-green fatigues, Klinger seemed to prefer garments that, so far in his travels with the Doctor, Jamie had only seen being worn by women; he silently wondered at the reason for this. Right now, the man was wearing a canary-yellow crinoline dress that looked as if it had been stolen from Victoria's wardrobe, back in her early days aboard the TARDIS, and forced himself not to ask questions about it. Instead, he added, "And besides, you'll be needing help taking everything back to the ward."
"It's only the pot," Kim said. "There's plenty of mugs at Post-Op." She then turned to the man in yellow and asked, "Need a hand, Klinger?"
The Corporal smiled. "Nah, I've got it covered. Hey, wait," he dropped the potato he had been peeling and wiped his hands on a piece of cloth. "I've got something here." He grabbed a small purse that matched the dress, and removed something small and square from inside, wrapped in delicate red paper.
Kim's eyes widened. "Chocolate!" she shrieked with delight.
"For the kid."
"Real chocolate?" Kim asked.
"Got it from the same guy I get my stockings from," Klinger said with a grin.
Kim beamed. "Oh, Klinger, I don't know how to thank you!"
"Just let me see the smile on that little angel's face," the Corporal said, returning to the potatoes.
"You deserve a reward," Kim insisted. "This is real chocolate!"
"How about a week's pass to look through the hole on the nurses' shower?" Hye suggested, to Jamie's shock.
Klinger shook his head. "No thanks, kid. I'm a happily married man… and they always end up poking my eye when I look. Besides," he added, "I know you need the money."
"Er," Jamie's curiosity was stronger than his outrage, "why d'you need money so badly that you have to do something like that?"
Hye lowered her eyes, as if she was about to say something foolish. "To go to Tokyo." Her voice was almost a murmur.
"I told you, Hye wants to be a doctor," Kim said, the disapproval in her voice once more strongly present, "but she needs to leave Korea to study."
"Well, can she not study here?"
Hye lifted her gaze. "I am a woman," she said simply, and shrugged.
Jamie didn't know what to say about this. In his own time, it was almost impossible to find any educated women, let alone doctors - and yet, during his travels in the TARDIS, he had grown accustomed to the thought that women from the future were able to do anything they wanted - Zoe being the first example that came to his mind, having heard her talk often enough about how she held a degree in Pure Mathematics (with honours!) before being sent to the Wheel at the age of fifteen. And this was 1951 - this was the future. Surely Hye would have been able to become a doctor without any obstacles?
Jamie was about to express his thoughts, when they heard the kettle whistle.
"It's ready!" Hye said with a jump, as she grabbed the pot, the shredded ginger already inside.
"It's time to go, then, Joe," Kim said, turning to Jamie.
"Och, I told you before," the Highlander protested with a scowl, "the name's Jamie!"
"Sorry," Kim said, her face expressing confusion at Jamie's reaction.
"What is this 'Joe' nonsense anyway?" he continued.
"Ah, don't mind that," Klinger said, as he picked up another potato. "That's how all American soldiers are known. 'G.I. Joe', you know."
"Well, I'm a Scot," Jamie said proudly.
Klinger smiled. "Don't take it too personally, kid. You're over here and wearing a uniform, you're bound to be mistaken for an American."
Jamie sighed. "All right." He didn't feel like pressing the matter. He didn't want to leave the girls alone with those beasties running around the camp, pretending to be the Majors, but at the same time he was anxious to get back to the Doctor, and warn her about the missing cylinders. He wanted to make sure she was all right, and hoped to see her once again awake and well, jumping at the sight of him and running to give him an embarrassing, bone-crushing hug - the kind of sign of affection this new Doctor seemed very keen on giving him. Normally, his face would flush bright red the moment she did this, but now he desperately wished for it - it would mean she was completely recovered.
He turned to the girls, who were placing the teapot, now ready, on a small tray. "Let's go, then."
"What's with Jamie?" Hawkeye suddenly asked.
The Major looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, is he a Time Lord like you?"
"Oh, no," she said. "He's as human as you."
She glanced at the door with a worried expression for the millionth time in the past five minutes. Hawkeye felt the urge to ask what the story between her and the young Scot was, what had drawn a human and an alien to work together - and if there was anything beyond that. But then he remembered something.
"What about the others?"
"What others?" she asked.
"You know. Lieutenant Tyler, Captain Harkness and Colonel Smith. The people that handled that lone Rutan last year. Humans or Time Lords?"
"Oh, right." She smiled. "Yes, Rose and Jack are humans as well."
"And what about the Colonel?" he asked.
Her smile widened. "It's funny you should mention him..."
"He's a Smith as well, isn't he?" BJ pointed out. "Your brother?"
The Major said nothing.
"Your husband?" Hawkeye asked.
"There are a lot of Smiths out there," she said, the smile still strong.
"How many alien Smiths, then?"
"Only one," she said, with that maddeningly mysterious grin.
BJ and Hawkeye exchanged looks, confused.
As they were about to approach the Post-Op ward, Kim let out a whimper.
"What is it, lass?" Jamie asked.
"Look," she said, pointing at the figure about to enter the ward. Jamie's eyes widened at the sight, and pulled the two girls back, where they would be out of sight.
"What is that?" Hye asked as she straightened the pot, which she had grabbed in order prevent it from tumbling from the tray after Jamie's startled reaction.
The young Highlander's gaze was fixed on the now empty door, a single silent word escaping his lips.
"Doctor..."
"Finally!" Major Smith exclaimed, as she heard the outside door. She left the lab and rushed to the ward. "Jamie, what kept you so long? I-"
The words died on her lips. Like her, Captain Spalding and the patients stared speechless at the stocky figure that had entered, with its domed, potato-like head and the silver uniform.
It was BJ, who had trailed behind the Major, followed closely by Hawkeye, who finally broke the silence. "What the...?"
"I am Colonel Kaall of the Sontaran army," the creature said. "I believe you have something that I want."
