nentari: (Jo & Three)
[personal profile] nentari
Spam Headlines
(with comments by Lewis, editor of the Bizarrenews newsletter - all these spam mail headlines were found in his inbox)

  • Not a dating service, a SHAGGING service!
    [Just in case anybody was confused.]

  • Greetings, white man! :)
    [I never did figure out what this spam was for because I was afraid to click on the link to find out.]

  • I Hate You Now!
    [It turns out my current mortgage qualifies for a 3 percent lower rate!]

  • Et tu, brute! - You too, Brutus! Even you have betrayed me!
    [This linked to a page advertising generic pharmaceuticals. Explain that to me.]

    [This was from a Zambian living in Dubai who had a large sum of money trapped in a bank account that he needed help moving to a U.S. bank. All he needed was my bank account number.]

  • Top Secret e-book on how to seduce a girl
    [It can't be that secret if everybody and his brother has gotten a copy of the email.]

  • Please dont ignore me......come see my nipples.
    [This was for a webcam, as you might imagine.]

  • Hello bro --- are you Impotent?
    [Great way to start a conversation. Once again... the subject is pretty self-explanatory.]

  • The mighty cucumber lives again!
    [This was for a penile anti-sensitivity cream.]

  • Slap it on her face.
    [If you guessed penis enlargement cream you're right again!]

  • Like being 18 again (without the zits)
    [This was for 'Advanced Penis Development.' Not sure if that means enlargement or longevity.]

  • Hot Mmomy fucks stranregs
    [I'm not sure what 'stranregs' are, but apparently they like to subscribe to online dating services.]

  • I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.
    [Answer: Erection pills.]

  • Are you a 2 pump chump? Go all night and drive her crazy!
    [I've never really counted, but I know it's more than 2.]

  • What's your pleasure, squire?
    [If you're thinking this is some kind of porn or penis enhancement, you're wrong! It's discount pharmaceuticals. Okay, it's mostly Viagra and Cialis.]

  • Make Your Bed a "Bed-er" SEX Place to Sleep
    [Somebody actually gets paid to sit around and think this stuff up.]

  • Believe it or not Glass Dildos can change your sex life!
    [Among the many qualitites touted in the ad copy are "Hypoallergenic and Dishwasher Safe."]
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